Here at the Center, we consider it “Father’s Day season” as soon as Mother’s Day is over. Among other things, our staff is finishing up interviews with dads and making arrangements for celebration events in several areas of the country related to our Father of the Year Essay Contests.

These contests give kids opportunities to write about their dads, and we’re always amazed at the remarkable, heartfelt things they write. We probably don’t pass along the great essays often enough.

So, even though we’re still a month out from Father’s Day, I want to share one girl’s essay to help you start getting in the right frame of mind—not so you can swell up with pride, but so you can make this “season” a time to recommit yourself to be the father your children really need.

As you might know, our purpose is to inspire and equip dads. But I’ll tell you up front, this week is pure inspiration. I think you’ll agree.

In this essay, a 6th grader named Abigail does a wonderful job of capturing the love and appreciation kids feel for their dads, like what your child surely feels for you.

So, just soak this in today. Abigail writes:

My dad makes me feel loved. I can always count on my dad. He makes me laugh so hard…. Most of the time, my dad’s actions speak louder than life.

My dad is a short, stubby man, but his smile goes from the east to the west. He makes really, really bad jokes, but we always laugh. He acts sometimes, [imitates] singers, and even tries to dance. But he makes his imitations really bad on purpose to make us laugh. He laughs at things I say even if they’re not meant to be funny. That makes me laugh.

My dad has all the qualities of a great guy. He’s so truthful, honorable, and trustworthy. I can always count on him. He even understands what I’m talking about most of the time.

My dad sees everyone for who they are. He won’t judge people but always learns their personalities first. He helps people he doesn’t know, and he’s always nice to strangers. My dad is kind and always helpful.

My dad is awesome, fantastic, and phenomenal. I love my dad. He’s far from perfect, but far past amazing.

Now, after reading this, I was humbled as a dad. And two things came to mind that challenged me:

First, it reminded me that our kids are always watching us. They see the good and the not-so-good in our lives. They know we’re far from perfect. And we never know what will register in their minds as significant or even life-changing. That’s the power and the great responsibility of our modeling.

And second, I hope this draws out the best in you as a dad, like it does in me. Like Abigail’s dad, we make a difference when we make our kids laugh, show kindness to people, and prove ourselves to be trustworthy. Our general disposition has a powerful effect on our children—whether they are tiny infants or teens whom we may have to look up to. Be a joyful father, and let it show!

Fatherhood is a high calling, and something to live up to. I hope you’ll find ways to be “far past amazing” for your kids today.

Action Points for Dads on the Journey

• Do something crazy to have fun with your kids and make them laugh. Do karaoke. Start a water fight, or a pillow fight, or a food fight! Play dress up. Have a whistling contest after eating saltine crackers. Use your own idea. (Then let us know how it went.)
• Write an essay about how much you appreciate each of your children, and show it to them (or save it for Father’s Day).
• What would your children say is your biggest weakness as a dad? (If you don’t know, ask them!) Be intentional about working on that area during the next month … and beyond.
• How do you treat restaurant servers and other people in service positions during day-to-day interactions? Remember, your children are always watching and learning.
• Come up with a “Father’s Day wish list” that includes a lot of activities with family and gifts of time—along with or instead of expensive gadgets.

What challenges you about this essay? Or, when have you been inspired or challenged as a dad because of something your child said or wrote to you? Please let us (and other dads) know by leaving a comment below or on our Facebook page.

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a great dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.

How does your daughter see herself? How about your wife? I wrote about something similar last month, but this deserves more attention.

There’s a fascinating video put out by Dove—aimed at women—that explores the idea, “You’re more beautiful than you think you are.” Before I continue, watch the video. (It’s really worth 6 minutes of your time.)

I’m not in the target audience for this campaign, but as a father it was eye-opening for sure. I have to ask myself, If my daughter described herself for a sketch artist, how would that drawing turn out—and how would it be different if I described her?

I’ll probably never fully understand the pressures girls and women feel in our culture related to their appearance, and how that affects their self-image. But a few things I know without a doubt:

Physical appearance is a big deal to girls and women. And with the way they are portrayed in the media, they surely feel very little room to be less-than-perfect when it comes to their faces and their figures. And focusing on any perceived flaws impacts how they feel about themselves as people. None of us would want our wives or daughters to feel that way, but it’s easy to understand why they would.

I say it’s tragic, because appearances don’t reflect the real character of a person.

It also reminds me that our wives and daughters are probably less secure than what they may show. If they seem confident and cheerful, that doesn’t mean they don’t need plenty of affirmation from us! As husbands and fathers, we have a lot of influence on how the women in our lives view themselves, and we need to be all about affirming them—many times, every day.

I won’t say affirming their physical appearance isn’t important. It is, for sure. But we should focus even more on affirming our wives and daughters in terms of their character and what they mean to us. That helps to build them up inside, and fosters the kind of inner strength that helps them maintain a high self-worth no matter what other signals they’re getting from the culture. (This is also important to remember as you seek to affirm your mother this weekend!)

The Dove campaign is powerful and insightful … and as fathers, it should motivate us even more to help our children focus on the right things. Ultimately, don’t we all want our kids to learn to place less value on a person’s appearance and more on what’s inside—a person’s heart?

We can play a big role in this area, and once again, let me point you to our ebook, 5 Things Every Child MUST Get from Dad, which goes into detail about five things your daughter needs from you, and five things your son needs. One section in the ebook hits today’s topic very well:

Go ahead and compliment your daughter when she has taken care to look attractive, just as you would a son who has intentionally spent time making sure he looks handsome. But more important is your ability to compliment her other qualities, like emotional strength, sense of humor, loyalty, intelligence, and courage. Make it clear that what you love most about your daughter are her non-physical qualities, and that even without her physical features, you would still love her just as much.

If you haven’t yet, you should download the ebook and read more about ways to show love and affirmation to your daughter.

But don’t let your response end with reading something—this blog or our ebook or something else. Do something! Start a new habit in the way you express affirmation to your daughter—and your son.

Action Points for Dads on the Journey

• Talk with your children about what makes a person “attractive.” How much of it is purely physical, and how much is about character?
• Have three or four specific virtues in mind for the next week—such as loyalty, courage, kindness, and respect. Really look for those in your child and be ready to point out examples you see.
• Be creative and make sacrifices if necessary to find a shared activity that you and your daughter both enjoy. Make plans to do it regularly.
• Make it clear to your bride and your children that your love and commitment to them will never change, and has nothing to do with their physical appearance.
• Set an example and join your children in healthy activities—walking, running, or some other exercise.

What are your reactions to the Dove video? How do you affirm your daughter for her inner beauty? Leave a comment either below or on our Facebook page.

You can see more about Dove’s “Real Beauty Sketches” project here.

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a great dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.

What can you learn about fathering from a trip to the supermarket?

One thing I know is that life is full of mundane events. And as fathers, one of our tasks is to make the best of them for our families.

One of my recent trips to the grocery store is a good example. That’s about as mundane as it gets. But my experience that day brings up two lessons that we can use with our families.

Why was I going to the store? Because my bride Melanie said we were out of creamer for our morning coffee. She sets the machine to have the coffee ready when she wakes up, and she likes having different creamer flavors to add to it. Well, that morning she woke up and we were all out. And it was clear that she wanted some.

At first, I was thinking: Go to the store just for creamer? Can’t we get by one day drinking it black, or having something else? It really wasn’t a necessity, and I knew that she knew that!

Then after a minute, I paused and caught myself. I grabbed keys and my teenage son Chance, and we headed to the store. I figure with all she does for me, the least I can do is drive to the store for something she enjoys.

So, lesson number one, dad: serve your family members … your bride if your married, and your kids for sure. Remind yourself how much they mean to you, and take advantage of every opportunity to demonstrate that.

After we got to the store, I couldn’t help noticing the expressionless looks on all the people’s faces there. They were just going through the motions, not speaking, rather be someplace else, stressed out or whatever. As Chance and I pushed the cart along, that really struck me.

So I reminded Chance about a game I used to play with him at the store. When he was small I would put him up in the cart and give him a challenge: “Daddy will give you a dollar for every person you get to smile.”

So he’d be hanging over the side and staring at people with a big grin on his face, and then he learned to do all kinds of wacky tricks to get people’s attention. He got rich in the process.

I gave him the same offer that day and he earned a few bucks, but he’s sixteen now and more worried about being embarrassed, and a dollar doesn’t make it quite as exciting as it used to. Still, I think Chance will agree that lesson number two is worth remembering: find ways to inject joy and laughter into your children’s lives, even if you bribe them!

As you know, family life has a lot of mundane moments. But I’m convinced that how you carry yourself during those times can have a huge impact on your family. Keep making the most of every day!

Action Points for Dads on the Journey

• Do a mundane task or errand for your wife and/or children simply because you appreciate the fact that they are in your life.
• Get in the habit of asking your wife—every day—“What can I do for you?”
• Challenge your child to do something silly that will bring a smile to someone’s face. (Pay him for it if you want to.)
• Let your child dare you to do something that will bring a smile to his face—even if you risk being embarrassed.
• Come up with something new and unusual that you and your child can do together regularly. Have him or her help you brainstorm. Ask, “What have you wanted to try that we’ve never done?”

I know dads are great at bringing laughter and silliness to everyday situations. How do you do this for your kids? Leave a comment either below or on our Facebook page.

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a great dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.

Friends, this week I’m featuring a guest blog from Jay Payleitner—a best-selling author, speaker, and good friend of the National Center for Fathering who has written a new book called 52 Things Daughters Need from Their Dads. This blog was adapted from one of the 52 chapters, and I think you’ll agree he has some fantastic practical ideas that will be helpful to you. (And if you only have sons, you can figure out ways to adapt these ideas, too.)

A note to dads who really like the idea of “dating your daughter,” but don’t know where to start:

Guys, you’re probably making it more complicated than it has to be.

The idea is simply to enter her world and enjoy your time together. You can’t force deep, meaningful, life-changing conversations. But if you keep showing up … they’ll happen. And you’ll be glad you were there.

If she’s a toddler, it’s pretty easy. Ten minutes lying in the grass, rustling in the leaves or making snow angels.

If she’s five, it’s still pretty easy. Invest a half hour or so and go ahead and start calling your time together a “date.” Go for ice cream. McDs. Donuts and juice. A bike ride around the block. The idea is to be intentional about leaving the house—just you and her. Of course, you should still spend time goofing with your little girl in the driveway with a hula hoop, basketball, bubbles or sidewalk chalk. But a date should probably have a plan and a destination.

About third grade or so, start thinking about kicking it up a notch. Movie dates, lunch dates, library dates. To make sure it becomes a habit, try connecting your daddy-daughter dates with her other scheduled activities. Pick her up after a practice or rehearsal and stop some place on the way home. Maybe take a class together. If you’re really gutsy, do something girls typically do with their moms like pottery painting, jewelry making or calligraphy.

Do stuff she likes. Do stuff you like. Window shopping. Mini golf. Frisbee golf. Visit a museum. Visit a pet store. (Pet a puppy, talk to a parrot or buy a reptile without mom’s permission.) Go ice skating. Visit an apple orchard. Make a pie. Go horseback riding. Bowling. Birdwatching. Browsing a bookstore. And don’t think that only boys can enjoy sports. Take your daughter to an NFL, NHL, MLB, or NBA game. Or save a few bucks and go to a minor league or semi-pro game. Each time, remember to thank her “for the date.”

One annual date you don’t want to miss is the daddy-daughter dance presented by your church, school, or park district. You might even make it a double date with your daughter’s best friend and her dad. That’s a chance to connect with another dad—which is always a good thing—and see how your daughter interacts with her peers.

Once you’ve established your daddy-daughter date routine, look for a chance to add one more strategic lesson: In the middle of your time together, hope something goes terribly wrong. The bowling alley is overbooked with leagues. The restaurant wait is 90 minutes. The skating rink is closed for repairs. A flat tire. Ants at the picnic. You lock your keys in the car.

With any of these minor catastrophes, you have a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate patience, resourcefulness, and a sense of humor. These are all traits your daughter should expect in any fellow who takes her out. Of course, I’m not suggesting you orchestrate any near calamities on your daddy-daughter dates, but I’m not ruling it out either.

Here’s the point. The primary purpose of dating your daughter is making memories and cementing your lifetime connection. But there’s another huge benefit to showing up on time, opening her car door, treating her with respect, and handling any mishaps with grace and a smile…

You’re modeling for your daughter the way any boy should act when she goes out on any date at any time.

If and when some “unworthy weasel” takes her out, she won’t put up with any nonsense because her dad—that’s you—taught her how a gentleman acts on a date.

Finally, when your daughter does start dating boys her own age, that doesn’t mean your dates with her should stop. Actually, that’s the season in life when you want to spend more time with her, not less. You may have to work a little harder to get on her busy social calendar. But if you ask nicely, she just might fit you in.

Oh yeah. Dad, don’t forget to date your wife, too.

Five Bonus Strategies for Entering Your Teenage Daughter’s World

Give yourself a mutual mission. Asking a young person’s opinion is surprising and empowering. “For Christmas, should I get mom the amethyst or opal earrings?” “What should we do for Grampa’s birthday this year?’ “We need some new patio chairs. What are your thoughts?”

Treat her as an authority. Suddenly, she’s the teacher and you’re the student. “Hey, Sara, can I send a photo on my iPhone that’s 1.8 megabytes?” “I’m designing a flyer for the block party, can you take a look at this font?” “Bill from work wants to recommend some summer reading for his daughter who’s eight. Any ideas?”

Volunteer at an event. Initially, she may not be happy that you signed up for that chaperone assignment, church event or fundraiser. But if you don’t embarrass her and stay in your assigned zone, she’ll be glad you’re there. Also, make sure you give her plenty of notice. “The Zimmermans asked us to help out at the Christmas dance. I guess we’re in charge of the punch bowl.” “Just letting you know, I’m driving one of the vans for the weekend retreat. And I’m staying in the boy’s cabin.”

Get her attention. Figure out what middle school girls like – specifically your daughter and her friends – and give it to her. “Let’s get a puppy.” “Don’t know what got into me, but I bought a Groupon for horseback riding.” “When that movie comes out from that book you read, let’s take some of your friends to the midnight show.” “Pizza’s here!”

Tell her you miss her. If you haven’t had a good conversation in a couple weeks, you’re both feeling the same way. “Hey kiddo. We have both been so busy, let’s do something this weekend. Maybe brunch after church. Or we could go to the flea market. What’s your schedule?” “You know, I’m reading a book for dads of daughters and it says I’m supposed to ask you out on a date. So pick a night. Any night!”

Thanks, Jay!

Dad, what ideas do you have to add? Every father-child relationship is different. What are your secrets for bonding with your daughter—or your son? Please join the discussion by leaving a message either below or on our Facebook page.

You can check out Jay’s book right here.

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a great dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.

I really identify with this scene from the new movie Home Run—which opens today (4/19) in theaters.

The main character, Corey Brand, is a baseball star who gets suspended by his team for character issues, and his agent sends him back to his childhood home to put his life and his reputation back together. As part of the deal, she volunteers him to coach a local youth baseball team.

This scene shows a breakthrough between Corey, as coach, and a boy who lacks confidence at the plate:

Now, why do I identify so much with this clip? Because I grew up playing football and other sports, and I know the power of a coach’s positive words. That’s part of the reason why the Championship Fathering fundamental of coaching is so powerful for me. I had the privilege of learning from some great men who coached me.

Now that I’m in my fifties, it’s amazing to think about the knowledge and life skills they were transferring to me and the other players all those years ago.

I think about times when a coach did something like Corey does in this clip … he pulled me over to the sideline, looked me in the eye and spoke from the heart. He knew I could do better, and in the heat of competition he wanted to send a clear message. I’m not sure I always listened as well as I should have.

There were other times I remember from playing football in high school. I used to run back punts and kick-offs, and I can vividly remember a few times when our team was behind or in a close game, and our coach instilled great confidence in me through his words. As I waited there for the kick-off, I would hear him say, “We need one, Carey. Run it back for us.” He showed that he was depending on me, and his words helped me focus and dig a little deeper, reaching for excellence.

That’s how I see myself when I’m coaching my children—from my teenage son to my adult kids and their spouses, and even my grandkids. I’m aware of my responsibility in this area, and it affects how I talk to them, how I touch them, and how I hold them—how intentional I am when I’m with them.

And even if you aren’t into sports that much, you probably received some encouragement from people along the way, and it made a difference for you.

That’s also what I challenge you to do in your fathering—use the power of positive words to your children’s benefit. We have to constantly be thinking about the fact that we’re transferring knowledge and instilling confidence in our children.

That’s what coaches do, and as men who want to be Championship Fathers and coach our children to be all they can be, it’s what we should all be striving for as dads.

ACTION POINTS for Dads on the Journey

• Place your hands on your child’s shoulders and look him or her right in the eye, then affirm something you’ve noticed that he or she has done. Or simply say, “I love you,” or, “I’m proud of you.”
• When giving your child instructions, also seek to instill confidence. Say, “I believe in you,” or, “You can do this.”
• What’s your tone of voice usually like when talking to your child? Make sure you aren’t coming off as sarcastic, irritated, bothered, or disappointed. (Those really aren’t motivating for kids.)
• Give your child a task that will help the family in some way. Give hands-on instruction if necessary, and encourage him. Kids need to feel necessary and important.
• Watch your words—especially when dealing with a heated issue with your child. Avoid statements like, “What are you thinking!?” or “Can’t you do anything right?”

How did a coach, teacher or parent inspire you during your youth? And how do you try to do this regularly for your children? Please join the discussion by leaving a message either below or on our Facebook page.

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a great dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.

Corey Brand is a Major League Baseball all-star. But off the field he is haunted by memories of his past, and his life is spinning out of control.

After a DUI and team suspension, Corey’s agent sends him back to his hometown to rebuild his reputation, and volunteers him to coach a youth baseball team. At the same time, he enters a recovery program with a strong faith emphasis.

Corey is the main character in the new movie Home Run, which opens next Friday.

Not many men have the skills and opportunities to play professional baseball, but other challenges in Corey’s life are common to millions of dads. He’s facing the reality of his own selfishness while seeing a need to become a grown-up, responsible man and father. And one major obstacle is a painful childhood and a lot of wounds from his relationship with his dad, who is deceased.

Here’s a scene where Corey has just learned that he didn’t make the All-Star team, and he’s confronted with some of the deeper issues related to his “hurt inside.”

Have you made peace with your father’s influence in your life? Do you have the nagging feeling that what you do is never quite good enough because of how your father treated you? Do you carry a hurt inside that he is partially responsible for? This is played out powerfully in the movie.

Especially if your dad was a negative influence, this can be a huge hurdle to you becoming a great father for your own children. This is such a common and daunting challenge for men that the theme of reconciling your past runs through much of our work with fathers.

In Forming a Lifelong Bond: For Dads of Infants, which was recently updated and made available as an ebook, Ken Canfield included a chapter about this challenge. It’s so foundational that every man coming into the role of fatherhood would do well to work through these issues.

As Ken writes,

Some men carry years of anger around with them. It just sits there, waiting for the right time—or, more accurately, the wrong time—to erupt and splatter everyone around them. The other men live in confusion: a paralysis of the soul. A man in this confusion lives his life without confidence, refusing to trust anyone, emotionally shut down. He has the attitude: don’t talk; don’t feel; don’t trust. His kids can’t get in, and he can’t or doesn’t want to come out….

As dads, we need to realize that our ability to be good fathers is directly related to our relationship with our own dads. As dads, we have an inheritance. It is what we got from our own fathers, and it’s what we’ll give to our children unless we choose to do differently.

Here are three suggested guidelines:

Recognize your father’s influence. Identify his impact on you, and get as specific as you can. Inventory his influence in specific areas. How did he show affection, carry out discipline, handle communication, teach values, etc.?

Resolve the relationship. There needs to be an event in the relationship that acts as the signpost for a new direction—whether it’s a face-to-face discussion, a session with a third party, or a visit to his gravesite, as Corey does in the movie. This is a time to talk about the relationship, any unresolved feelings, confess your own shortcomings, and possibly extend forgiveness to him.

Relate to your father in new ways. You now move on and seek to honor his role in your life. And that might not be easy; he may not cooperate. Still, you are doing everything you can as his son, and that allows you to move on in a positive way and be the father your children need.

I encourage you to get the ebook and read more on each of these steps.

ACTION POINTS for Dads on the Journey

• Ask your child’s mother or a sibling for feedback on ways you are like your father and ways you’re not like him.
• Learn about your father as a son. What kind of fathering inheritance did he receive from his father, and how did shape the kind of father he was for you?
• Write a letter to your dad—even if you don’t plan on sending it—where you describe his influence on you and what you appreciate about him.
• Tell your children something positive you learned from your father.

Have you been through a reconciliation with your dad? How did it look? What did you learn that has made you a better father? Join the discussion by leaving a message either below or on our Facebook page.

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a great dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.

Evan Dolive is a dad of a three-year-old girl, and he’s upset with Victoria’s Secret.

Maybe you’ve seen the open letter he wrote to the company (or a radio or TV interview in the days since) expressing concern about a new line of undergarments aimed at middle-school girls, with underwear carrying messages like “Wild,” “Feeling lucky?” and “Call me.”

(Since then, the clothing store clarified—there is no new line specifically for middle school girls. Still, his points are valid since young teenage girls are very aware of trends that affect young women.)

I share his concern, and I believe this should be on the radar of every dad, whether you have sons or daughters. As he states in the letter:

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon[ed] words on her bottom.

I want my daughter (and every girl) to be faced with tough decisions in her formative years of adolescence. Decisions like should I be a doctor or a lawyer? Should I take calculus as a junior or a senior? Do I want to go to Texas A&M or University of Texas or some Ivy League School? Should I raise awareness for slave trafficking or lack of water in developing nations? There are many, many more questions that all young women should be asking themselves….

You can read his letter and some follow-up blogs here. But really, this trend is bigger than Victoria’s Secret. Intimate apparel for girls and women is a huge business, and numerous stores are trying to appeal to girls’ desires to look and feel older … and sexier.

Are a lot of you dads like me? When my daughters were that age, the challenges were a bit different, but I wanted to slow them down and let them enjoy being kids while they could.

I have a teenage son, and I’m very uncomfortable with the thought that girls he interacts with could be embracing the notion that, as author Dr. Meg Meeker has written, “their identity equals their sexuality. But not even a healthy sexuality; rather a cheap one where girls are reduced to sexy playthings.”

Instead, she writes, “we want our girls to believe that their identity stems from their character, their uniqueness (not sameness), and their intellectual or physical achievements.”

What should we do as dads? Calling attention to the potential dangers is certainly appropriate, although it’s hard to see styles moving toward modesty and our fatherly definition of what’s proper for our daughters to wear. But no matter what, we should all be involved in addressing these issues with our daughters. Just a few months ago I wrote about daughters and clothing choices in this blog.

Really, we should be concerned about much more than our daughters’ outward appearance or undergarments. We have a huge influence on our daughters’ self-image, and there’s a very helpful section about this in our free ebook, 5 Things Every Child MUST Get from Dad.

That section opens with this statement: “Girls feel pressure to be smart, thin, pretty, and involved in certain activities. Dads have the ability to combat these pressures and make their daughters feel beautiful, inside and out.”

The practical suggestions include:

• Never criticize your daughter’s body shape or appearance, but always affirm her as unique, beautiful and highly valued.
• More important, compliment her positive non-physical qualities like emotional strength, sense of humor, loyalty, intelligence, and courage.
• Get involved in her pursuits. Show that she is worth investing your time and energy.
• Demonstrate confidence in her abilities.

Get your copy of the ebook here for more on each of these.

Before I share more action points, you have to see this video from a dad in Charlotte, North Carolina. His poem has lots of great insights that are relevant to this discussion on training, nurturing and protecting our daughters—and it will inspire you!

ACTION POINTS for Dads on the Journey – from the 5 Things ebook:

• Write your daughter a letter listing specifically what you appreciate about her. If she’s too young to read it, save it until she’s older.
• Be intentional about pointing out five or six of your child’s inner strengths over the next few days.
• Try asking your daughter three questions that Diane Sawyer remembers her father asking her: “What do you love?” “Where is the most adventurous place you could do it?” “How can you use it to serve other people?”
• Ask your daughter (or son) to teach you something he/she enjoys, and be committed to really learning it.

Help other dads! What has worked for you when it comes to affirming your daughter’s inner beauty? Please join the discussion by leaving a message either below or on our Facebook page.

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a great dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.

Does faith impact your fathering? Should it?

As many people around the world celebrate Holy Week and look forward to Easter Sunday, it’s a good opportunity to address this.

From our research, one of the key areas of the Championship Fathering fundamental of modeling is nurturing our children’s faith. I have strong convictions about faith, and maybe you do, too. Or maybe you’re suspicious of religion and church.

Whatever it looks like for you, I want to encourage you to equip your children in matters of faith and morality. They need your guidance. And if your beliefs are important to you, this is one of the most important legacies you can leave for your kids.

When my son Chance was ten, we started a one-on-one habit that has been a good thing through the years: every morning we read from the Book of Proverbs together.

It takes about four or five minutes, depending on how many questions he has or how often I stop to talk about a specific point. Sometimes there’s deep discussion; sometimes not. No matter what, it has been a great way to connect as father and son before he leaves for school and I go to work.

During those first few years, Chance would crawl into my lap in his pajamas for that morning routine. Now, as a teenager, he’s all dressed and ready to head out the door. If he’s in the same room and he listens, that’s usually good enough for me.

As the years pass, I guess this time together has become even more special to me. Maybe I realize how precious those opportunities are, or I know that in this life any day could be my last, so I want to make the most of it.

It also helps that every once in a while, I’ll see a clue that our morning reading has become important to my son, too. Maybe he’ll remind me about it or he’ll come up with a fresh perspective that I hadn’t thought of before.

How do you pass on a spiritual legacy to your children? There are many ways, but let me share two suggestions:

First, live it out yourself. If you’re ever frustrated or concerned about how committed your children are to their faith—especially your teens—the first place to look is at yourself.

Now, I don’t know how genuine your faith is. But in your heart of hearts, I think you know. You can tell whether you really are sold out to the beliefs and the principles you talk about, or if it’s just a lifestyle choice that doesn’t really affect you on a deep level.

You can tell, and I believe your children can, too. If they see the evidence of strong convictions in your life, then the basis of those convictions becomes more real for them. But if they don’t see it, then you’ll likely become an obstruction to their spiritual growth. Few things will confuse and hamper your children more than watching you not practicing what you claim to believe.

And second, be intentional. I want to encourage you to commit—or recommit—yourself to building a strong faith in your children through regular routines. Sometimes the routine itself—having that consistent practice of reading and/or praying together—will speak volumes to your children and live on in their memories more than any specific lessons or truths they hear. (That’s why all dads can do this; you don’t need a seminary degree.)

As dads, we set the tone in many areas of our home life, and this is no exception. Our purposeful leadership makes a difference. We can’t just sit back and expect it to happen. We have to carve out time, build stronger relationships, and have a plan.

Now, I admit, not every morning is a spine-tingling experience for Chance and me. Sometimes I’m not at my best, or it feels like just a routine. Still, I believe good things can happen when we follow through anyway.

So even if your kids groan about your efforts to do this, keep it up! Do all you can to make it inviting, and don’t let their bad attitude affect yours. In the end, I believe that your kids, more than they’ll ever admit, find real security and comfort in your efforts to make spiritual conversations a habit in your home.

ACTION POINTS for Dads on the Journey

• Ask your wife and children—point blank—if they think you’re really living out what you say you believe. It’s frightening, but what they say will give you valuable insight and a renewed motivation in your spiritual disciplines.
• Put your faith into action—and include your kids. Get involved sharing experiences and talking about why you do what you do, make certain decisions, and so on.
• Taking advantage of “teachable moments” that come along during everyday life when you’re with your child; talk about what you believe and why it makes a difference.
• Make yourself accountable to other men who share your beliefs. Give them permission to ask you pointed questions about your habits, decisions, and so on.
• Try to respond to your children’s requests in a way that’s consistent with your values … every time. Put their desires and what’s best for them above your own mood or preferences.
• Write each of your children a short note that includes a spiritual blessing that’s appropriate for him or her.

What other ideas would you add for equipping your kids spiritually? Please join the discussion by leaving a message either below or on our Facebook page.

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a great dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.

Remember when you held your first baby in your arms and asked yourself, “Now what do I do?” You didn’t get an answer, did you?

At work, a job description helps keep you on task for your company. But what about a job description for dads? At no time do we feel the need for a fathering job description more than when we first become fathers.

Our founder, Dr. Ken Canfield, wrote about this in his short book for dads of infants, called Forming a Lifelong Bond—which has recently been updated and made available in e-book form. You can download it right here.

His insights are helpful for dads at any age; it’s always good to think through issues, plan a strategy, and begin to put it into place.

The fundamentals of fathering—loving, coaching and modeling—can apply to every dad, but since we’re all unique people and in different family situations, our job descriptions will likely look a little bit different.

Here are Ken’s two main thoughts to keep in mind as you go through this process:

First, deal with expectations. Our culture places both high and low expectations on how we should father. Most likely, your extended family and colleagues at work also communicate expectations that will impact your role. But the most significant expectations you’ll deal with will come from two sources:

- Your past. It’s vital that you recognize and understand your father’s impact on your life, because that’s where you first received messages about what a father does. None of our fathers were perfect, so it’s important for us to understand their shortcomings as well as carry forward their strengths.

- Your children’s mother. She is an essential partner in your fathering and like you, her expectations for you will be influenced by her father. If her dad was absent or abusive, she may find it difficult to trust you with the children. If her father was present but emotionally disconnected, she may not appreciate the unique assets you bring to the parenting team. If she had a close, loving relationship with him, she may have high expectations and you may feel pressure to live up to an unrealistic ideal.

Key thought number two: Define “father” as a verb, not a noun. Unfortunately, some new dads start out on the wrong foot. Maybe their wives handle most of the childcare duties and these dads feel like secondary parents or even “babysitters.” It’s easy for them to get comfortable deferring parenting duties and not being fully engaged.

Please don’t settle for that! I invite you to join the growing movement of effective, involved fathers who change diapers, give baths and bottles, and then later coach sports teams, take kids to doctor’s appointments, attend PTA meetings, and everything in between!

Get involved, dad. Resolve to live out your commitment to your children day by day. It’s the best way to bond with your child, whether he or she is an infant, toddler, ten-year-old or teenager.

And for more ideas from Ken for dads of infants, make sure to get the free ebook here. (And if you aren’t a new dad yourself, surely you know a few. Please share this blog and the ebook link with guys who need it. www.fathers.com/freebook)

ACTION POINTS for Dads on the Journey

• Actually write a “Dad’s Job Description.” Look at what’s included on your work job description—hours, expectations, specific responsibilities, team members, etc. Those are all good ideas to start.
• Talk with your child’s mother about what she expects of you as a father—and get specific. Talk about daily caretaking duties, the amount of time spent with the kids, discipline, navigating work and family issues, moral and spiritual training, the priority of your marriage, etc.
• Take inventory of your relationship with your dad. List 5 ways you are like him and 5 ways you’re not like him. How do these insights affect your fathering job description?
• Take advantage of any opportunities to “just hang out” with your child. The most meaningful moments often happen when you aren’t expecting them or trying to create them.
• Keep a high motivation to be a dad! Your ongoing commitment can help you overcome other challenges along the fathering journey.

Dad, what does your job description look like? Please join the discussion by leaving a message either below or on our Facebook page.

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a great dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.

Dad, would you rather have joy or cash?

The question might sound absurd, but I know nearly all dads, me included, are challenged by the daily struggle between work and family as they compete for our time, attention and energy. Maybe the better question is, Is your life reflecting your priorities?

I like how this was addressed a few years back by Jonathan Clements in the Wall Street Journal, where he looked at some studies related to the question, “Can money buy happiness?”

To sum up the findings, money does make a difference in a sense of happiness for people who have a very low income. But for people who do have enough to meet their families’ needs, wealthy people did not report being any happier than people who earn an average living.

In addition, people with higher incomes were more likely to be anxious or angry, and they tend to spend more time working, commuting, and engaging in other activities they consider to be “obligatory”—all of which are associated with lower levels of happiness.

Clements interviewed several experts on the whole work-family challenge. He summarized their insights into four action points—and I’ve added some thoughts more specifically for dads. These are worth considering:

1. Keep your commute short. Commuting reduces your time at home—not to mention that driving in traffic can be a big source of stress. Taking a job closer to home or moving closer to your job might make sense for you.

2. Choose time over money. As you grow older, you realize time really is the most precious resource. Cutting back on work time, even if you’re earning less money, allows you to spend time with your family and do other things you enjoy. And eventually you’ll realize that your relationships are what matter most—not all these material things or making money, which is what we often spend our time on.

3. Be sensible with leisure time. Whether you cut back on work time or not, be a good manager of the time you have left in your week. Trade solo, passive activities for more active things you can do with your family members or friends. Your opportunities to spend time with your kids are disappearing faster than you realize, so make the most of them.

4. Spend your money wisely. Material things wear out and/or their excitement quickly fades. A better investment might be activities and trips with loved ones, because they are more likely to create cherished memories and provide more lasting satisfaction.

You can read Mr. Clements’ entire article here.

Dads, true joy comes from loving, connected relationships, and the sooner we realize it—and act on it—the better. We mustn’t strive to succeed at everything else in life at the expense of our family members.

So, would you rather have joy or cash? Answer the question with your actions—today and every day. Enjoy your kids. They’re among God’s greatest gifts.

More ACTION POINTS for Dads on the Journey

• Is your child facing a specific challenge or approaching a special opportunity? What adjustments can you make in your work schedule to be there more to support him or her?
• Make sure there are some times every week when you silence your phone, put away the laptop, turn off the TV, and simply focus on your child.
• Talk with your wife or someone else who knows you well: “How can I show my children that I’m committed to them?” (Then ask your kids, if you’re brave.)
• Make a commitment to be there with your child at a key point during the day—dinnertime, bedtime, breakfast, or maybe reading together.
• Look at your goals for the next ten years. Are there things you can sacrifice or put on hold for the sake of your family?

Dad, what adjustments have you made to make sure your family is getting your best time and energy? Please join the discussion by leaving a message either below or on our Facebook page.

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit organization dedicated to changing the culture of fathering in America by enlisting 6.5 million fathers who to make the Championship Fathering Commitment. NCF believes that every child needs a dad they can count on, and uses its resources to inspire and equip men to be the involved fathers, grandfathers and father figures their children need. Subscribe to his weekly email tip by clicking here: “Yes! I want tips on how to be a great dad who loves, coaches, mentors, and inspires my children.