by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.

Last week’s blog provided you with “dad hacks” that some fathers use to make their lives easier and connect with their kids. I trust at least some of them were helpful to you or at least caused you to do some deeper thinking or brainstorming.

It reminded me of an often-forgotten chapter from my 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers book, which is also one of my favorite chapters. We called it the “Eighth Secret,” and here’s the main idea: While there is solid research available about what makes a dad successful, and you’d be wise to be familiar with it and use it to your benefit, you should also know this:

There are some fathering practices that just work.

… and they aren’t things you can easily quantify or explain. One dad bonds with his kids through a certain activity, but it’s somewhat unique to him and his family, or maybe where they live. It wouldn’t “plug and play” in the same way for most other dads and their kids.

For example, one man’s secret to success with his kids was this:

“A boat full of gas and the camper hooked up to the trailer.”

We can imagine weekend outings at the lake, maybe catching fish, making s’mores over a campfire, long conversations, just being together.

I know another dad who taught each of his five daughters to fly an airplane. Other dads share a love of a particular sport or hobby. Some have a regular habit of breakfast together on Saturday mornings or frozen yogurt outings on Monday evenings.

My father had a similar habit. Each of us kids knew well that he would take us for a drive during the summer and somehow we always ended up in the vicinity of the Dairy Queen, where he’d make us beg him to stop for an ice-cream cone. And he almost always did. Things weren’t always perfect between my dad and me, but there was something good about that summer ritual. It had to do with fathering and growing up and being a family, but I can’t completely explain it. It’s a bit of a mystery.

Do you have a unique, intangible, somewhat mysterious way of bonding with your kids?

Whatever it is, keep living it out with them. Maybe even recommit yourself to doing it consistently. You might want to adjust it as your kids get older, but don’t get too casual about it or let it end. It’s part of who you are as a father, and it’s likely creating shared memories that will be cherished for many years. That individual expression of your fathering might become the most profound “secret” out of all you do as a dad.

What’s the unique secret you express as a father? Leave a comment and encourage other dads on our Facebook page.