‘Rules Not Learned in School’ Create Opportunities to Be a Good Dad

Have you seen the “Rules Kids Won’t Learn in School”? To give you a flavor, here’s the main point from about half of them:

Rule #2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.

Rule #4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule #5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule #6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes. Learn from them.

Rule #9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

Rule #10: Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule #11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

Here is the entire list, with more about each one.

Many of us can’t help uttering a hearty “Amen” when we read these. Will our kids ever “get it” on some of these points?

There are some applicable thoughts for dads, but first, a few disclaimers:

– First, while there’s a lot of truth in these that our kids need to hear, the preachy attitude that’s behind many of them is not the best. There’s a lecturing tone that will probably turn kids off instead of enlightening them. We have to show our children respect, even while we’re bringing some truth into their lives.

– Also, let’s not sell our children’s teachers and administrators short. They do a difficult job, and many of them are passing on these kinds of lessons when they have the opportunity.

Boy Sawing Piece of Wood in Half with His FatherNow, the main reason for bringing these up is to remind all dads of their important role as their children’s educators, and this is education in a broader sense. As we all adjust our routines to the new school year, be sure to get involved in homework and school functions. But also recommit yourself to being a life educator for your children.

Whether they attend private or public school, whether they’re in a special needs class or an advanced program, in kindergarten or college, your children’s education needs extend much further than the formal classroom environment. You can help them to become “students of life.”

Expand the educating of your children to include lifestyle, character, manners, morality, and virtue, as well as skills they will need for life. Some of that might happen at school, but it isn’t the school’s job. It’s our unique privilege and responsibility as fathers.

And it all starts with being engaged in our children’s lives, so we’re there to comment on everyday events and issues, take advantage of the teachable moments that come along, and teach skills that go way beyond book learning. We’re can pass on street-smart life lessons and everyday skills they will need, like how to deal with adversity, how to reconcile differences with siblings and friends, how to budget their money, how to change a flat tire, and so on.

So, add some rules of your own. You probably don’t need to come off preachy like some of these rules do, but there are things you’ve learned that you can and should be passing along. Maybe you can call them “Dad’s lessons for life.”

What wisdom have you gained about passing on life lessons to your children? Please share your ideas below or at our Facebook page.

Action Points for dads involved in educating their children:

  • Discuss expectations for the new school year. Decide together what’s reasonable to expect with regard to A’s and B’s, but also what they learn and achieve, relationships, clubs and sports, etc.
  • Put school events and deadlines on your calendar so you can stay in touch and offer encouragement.
  • Especially for non-custodial dads, get to know your child’s teachers, coaches, dance instructors, and so on, and work out a system to help you stay informed and involved.
  • Keep your eyes open for jokes, news items, videos, anything your child might find interesting, and regularly text, email, or mail them to your child and ask, “What do you think?” Then follow up and discuss it later.
  • Get a copy of a book your child is assigned to read, and read it at the same time.

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There may be no more important work than turning the hearts of fathers to their children, and that’s what this is all about. We’re seeking to repair, rebuild and restore effective fathering for the benefit of children and families everywhere.