How do you decide what gifts to give your children this time of year?

Maybe your family has settled into an annual routine that seems to work pretty well. Maybe the kids create lists to help you know what they want. Maybe most of the gifts have already been bought earlier in the year. Maybe your kids’ mom handles all of that and you barely think about it.

There are many different approaches that naturally become holiday traditions over time. And like any other traditions, it’s good to reevaluate them from time to time—not to make changes just for change’s sake, but to confirm that they’re still helping you create positive and memorable family times. And sometimes you’ll find reasons to make tweaks or major adjustments. The point isn’t to say that one approach or tradition is better or worse than any other.

The point is to be purposeful about the gifts you give to your children.

We now have days set apart like Black Friday and Cyber Monday that are all about shopping, and those represent just a fraction of the consumerism that is in our faces and our children’s faces during these last few months of the year. Will we allow that hustle-and-bustle, “buy more now” attitude to steal our joy or make us impatient with our kids? Or are there steps we can take as fathers to keep a good attitude and increase the odds that we and our families will spend the holidays thinking about what’s most important to us this time of year?

There’s a bigger picture to our gift giving. There’s a lot more going on than simply finding things our kids will like, wrapping them up and putting them under the tree. Here are two thoughts to consider here:

What am I really giving my children?

We like giving them things they like and that make them happy on Christmas morning or whenever the gift exchange happens. But have we thought through some of the things that could come with the gift? There are some positives and some potential negatives.

If a young daughter receives a glamorous doll, is it just a toy or does it also communicate something to her about an ideal body image? How will your son handle the video game with a high violence rating? Does that recent music release that your teenager wants have questionable lyrics? Will a new smart phone be likely to tempt your child to become obsessed with social media or being accessible to friends—or allow more access to harmful adult content? Can he or she accept time limits on using the latest gaming system?

The items themselves aren’t necessarily evil, but they do come with different levels of temptation and potential for negative habits. And as dads who want to protect our children’s hearts and minds, we need to be engaged in the process. Having a new gadget is like a privilege, and it need to come with conditions. So be ready to talk to your children about limits, what is healthy and what isn’t, and the bigger hopes and dreams you have for them in terms of character and growth.

Also, make a commitment as a dad to stay involved and aware. Set up any necessary parental controls and log in often to make sure they’re working. Check in regularly with your kids about how things are going and watch them closely to see if they seem distracted from their schoolwork or if other worrisome habits are growing.

How can we give meaningful gifts?

You’ve probably seen or heard about different approaches parents use to focus their gift giving and help everyone keep material things in proper perspective. One couple gives each of their kids three gifts each year: one thing they need, one thing they want, and an experience to share as a family. Another couple bases their gifts to their kids on the four gifts that baby Jesus received in the biblical account: gold, frankincense, myrrh, and swaddling clothes.

Some dads write a special note to each child on Christmas. Some people include a gift of an activity together or provide a child with resources and an opportunity to give to others in some way. Some parents take part of the gift budget and donate it to a children’s charity or some other worthy cause, and they involve all the kids in that decision.

Dads, giving gifts to our children should be a great experience for us and for them—at the moment of giving and for as long as that item lasts. And it might be even better if it involves creating a memory that will last much longer.

How do you approach gift giving with your kids? Share an idea that another dad can use on our Facebook page here.