Entering Your Child’s World: 5 Areas for Dads to Stay Connected

Dad, are you really plugged into what’s going on in your children’s lives? Do you have a good handle on what happens in their typical day, who is influencing them, and how they are processing the things they see and hear?

In today’s world these can be unsettling thoughts, and they underscore the vital importance of having a healthy awareness of our children and their world. When we have a deep and ongoing knowledge of what’s happening in our kids’ lives—and when we know their strengths and weaknesses, interests and dreams, joys and frustrations—we’re much more prepared to encourage them, challenge them, protect them from potential dangers, bond with them, and bring more joy to their lives.

Father-Child Connection; Dads & Kids Activities; Engaged Fatherhood

If we’re going to connect with our kids in these ways, we need to be the ones pursuing them. We can’t expect them to make big changes and adapt to our adult routines; we need to be the ones adjusting and accommodating them. Aware fathers are on a quest to observe (but not control) many facets of their children’s lives. As much as we can, we need to enter their world.

How does that look? Here are 5 areas to consider:

The World of Play

Playing is kids’ stuff, but it’s also “dad stuff.” With young kids especially, this is a vital way we can engage with them. It’s fun and it brings us closer together, and we dads are often naturals here, so we need to “get serious” about play because there are big benefits to our children’s development. Positive play helps children communicate their thoughts and feelings, connect with those around them, cope with problems, and learn more about the world: boundaries, winning and losing, their own abilities, how to win, lose, share, lead, cooperate, and so on.

Dads, our action point here is pretty simple and should be relatively easy for most of us: we should continue to visit our children’s world of play often, with energy, curiosity, and a childlike sense of wonder.

Your Kids’ Friends

If you want to really know your kids better, make an effort to get to know their friends. Who are they? What sort of mood is your child in after they spend time together? What positive and negative habits might your child be picking up? Look for the positive qualities your child sees in each friend. It’s a great way to better understand your son or daughter. As you identify what draws your child to his friends, you can use that to better understand him and connect with him. And although it isn’t your main motivation, you’ll be more likely to notice if a friend seems to be having a negative influence on your child.

So be a Friday night taxicab driver. Coach your kids’ sports teams. Be at all their games, events and performances. Make mental notes of who they’re spending time with—and remember names. Encourage them to spend time with kids who seem to have similar values. Maybe invite their friends to join your family on a weekend outing.

Music and Media

A generation ago, dads knew what shows their kids were watching because there was one TV in the living room where everyone could see it. And dads knew what music their kids were listening to because it was turned up loud in their bedrooms. It’s much more challenging now, when everyone has their own devices and earbuds, and they can watch and listen or play games wherever they are.

It’s a constant battle, and we must be vigilant about staying current on the latest games, apps, music releases and programs that are popular. Sometimes being involved will mean simply asking to listen, watch, or play with a child. Or it might mean offering to pay for what they want when we see that they’re making wise choices. Some great goals to keep in mind as we engage them in this area are: 1) learning more about them and their world, 2) opening a deeper dialogue, and 3) helping them grow in their ability to discern between things that are good and have positive messages, and things that don’t.

School Life

First grade through high school, children spend over a third of their waking hours at school, so it’s a big part of their lives. And when we’re involved in this area, we send a clear message about how important their education is. We also stay in tune with their day-to-day assignments, problems, worries and accomplishments.

Not that long ago, moms carried most the load with involvement at school, but it’s good to see dads stepping up in recent years. We can enter our kids’ world at school by attending events and parent-teacher conferences, joining committees, volunteering in the classroom, chaperoning field trips, and taking an active role in our kids’ nightly homework.

Worldviews

As our children grow and mature, more and more of their time and attention is focused outside our homes, and their friends, screens and media, and school all become bigger influences on them. Sometimes those have even more influence than we do. It’s one of the factors that makes fatherhood extra challenging during the teen years.

It’s likely they will come home with all kinds of interesting views and opinions based on something they have heard, seen or read. And there’s a good chance they will say something that completely opposes what you have tried to instill in them. These can be very difficult and frustrating interactions with our kids, and here are a few big-picture principles to keep in mind:

1) Unlike the very early stages of parenting, these years are less about controlling our kids and more about influencing them. We often do better by focusing on self-control.

2) One of the best things we can do is continue to listen and seek to understand our kids. Simply maintaining open communication might be a huge factor moving forward.

3) Keep playing the long game—investing in the relationship with the young adult your child will soon be, hoping and praying that the values you have tried to instill will bear fruit as they continue to grow and start to experience challenges along the path to adulthood.

4) Don’t go it alone. Use insights and encouragement from your kids’ mom, other dads, and others in your kids’ lives.

Yes, dad, being involved in your child’s world can be a lot of work. But this is what being a father is all about. And your kids are worth it.

What would you add? How are you staying engaged in your child’s world? Leave a comment or some insights on our Facebook page here.

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