How is fathering a child with special needs a “privilege”?
Rob is a veteran father of four whose oldest child has Down Syndrome. Recently in a group of dads, Rob made this startling statement…
He said that, despite all the physical, emotional and financial stresses, “If any of you ever get the privilege [of having a Down Syndrome child], it’s the greatest gift to your family, because it creates the sensitivity and the awareness of others that kids just don’t have…. It was a real gift to us; it made all our kids more compassionate, more aware, more sensitive.”
Did you catch that? Having a special-needs child made Rob and his entire family more perceptive about the needs of each other as well as people outside their family, and now they are more willing and able to jump in and help someone when they see an opportunity.
They are better people because they were part of a family going through unusual circumstances.
Now, Rob made those comments with a bit of trepidation. He doesn’t wish difficulties on any other dads.
On the other hand, who defines what is a difficulty and what is a benefit or blessing? Do we look just at our own convenience? Or our long-held hopes and dreams? Or should we try to see things more from a larger perspective—where life isn’t about pursuing happiness, but rather making the world a little better for those around us?
And that goes for our kids, too! Maybe the best condition for them to become mature and responsible isn’t a life where everything works out great and there are no challenges. Maybe dealing with unexpected surprises and trials is the best way to grow. (And we know that meeting challenges also prepares us to help others to face those same challenges.)
If you have children with similar issues—like autism, Down Syndrome, a life-threatening disease or something else—you’re very familiar with this. It’s often dads like you who set the mark and help us define what it means to be a committed dad. When the needs of your child required some extra sacrifices, you stepped up. You put your child’s needs before your own, and you’ve never regretted it.
For the rest of us who face the routine rigors of being a dad—but aren’t facing the overwhelming exhaustion of raising a child with more demanding disabilities—dad, take a page from the playbook of the most committed dads you know. Make the radical decision to sacrifice your own desires and goals for the sake of your children. (It really isn’t a sacrifice, if you think about it.)
And then: no matter what your children’s gifts, abilities, and weaknesses may be, cherish them for who they are. Be flexible, and grow with them. Let them teach you what it means to be a committed father.
What about you, dad? How have you become a better dad—or how has your family changed for the better—because of a trial or challenge you’ve been through? Please leave a comment on our Facebook page. You can encourage another dad who may be going through that difficulty right now.
Action Points for Dads on the Journey