Three Responsibilities of a Father

by Jeff Hamilton, founder of Dad Academy®

The responsibilities of being a father are more than just what you are able to provide financially or support emotionally. Research proves the importance of a father’s presence in a child’s life. Beyond being present, a committed father is intentional with fulfilling his responsibilities. Your child’s well-being is dependent upon your attention to these three things:

Three Responsibilities of a Father

Protect Their Innocence

One of the most wonderful aspects of childhood is innocence. From infancy through early elementary age, we love the wide-eyed wonder our children have. As fathers, we mourn a little as their innocence disappears as they grow. While we can’t prevent that natural process from happening, it’s our job to make sure it happens at a pace that’s appropriate for their stage of life and maturity level, while maintaining the purity of their hearts and character. There are a few practical ways we can do this:

Monitor Input. Many different things can influence our kids, no matter their age. It is important for the mental health and emotional well-being of our children that Dad is aware of the various things that are influencing them. That means taking the time to know what they are watching and listening to, and knowing who and what is having input into their lives. It’s really never too early to start this with a child.

Ask Good Questions. When we ask our children thoughtful questions and really tune into them during those conversations, they are much more open to telling us about their ideas, their opinions, and their reflections. These conversations reveal what is in their hearts.

Set Boundaries. Boundaries define freedoms and limitations as well as providing a sense of security for kids. Boundaries are important to clarify at every stage in their development.

Affirm Their Identity

At some point, kids become self-conscious. They start comparing themselves to others, and that becomes a threat to their self-confidence. Part of our job as fathers is to not let their self-worth and value be defined or influenced by an image of what others want them to be. Through the years they may try on different personas and different trends that change with every season or new friend group. But our responsibility is to be unchanging in the way we embrace them, affirm them, and remind them of their worth and value. Here are some more suggestions for identity-building:

Create a Shame-Free Home. Kids need to believe they are worthy of love and they need a strong sense of belonging. Cultivate a relationship of trust, respect, kindness, and affection with them. Within the family they must know that they are valued for who they are, not just what they do.

Share the Story. A big part of knowing who you are is knowing where you came from. Make sure your kids know your story and the stories of those who came before you—the ups and downs, challenges and breakthroughs. Your history is a source of strength. Sharing your own shortcomings and mistakes, as well as ways you have persevered and grown, will give them confidence and build resilience.

Pass on Your Values. Your values not only define your family but are part of the foundation on which your child’s identity is built. Values serve as a lens through which to see the world and understand oneself.

Direct Them to Their Destiny

I hope you believe that there is inherent greatness in your child. Your role is not to extract it out of them, but to nurture it within them. The most powerful way to do this is to teach them the value of service. Our culture generally trains people in the ways of consumerism—where satisfying my feelings, my cravings, and my needs is what gives my life value. But there’s a higher purpose, where one’s greatest satisfaction in life is found in contributing to our community and the well-being of others. Help your children find significance through service:

Household Responsibilities. Use chores and daily tasks to help them see how they are integral parts of the family structure and make valuable contributions to it. This also teaches them selflessness.

Family Service Projects. Find a way to model and build serving others into your family culture. Serve together at your place of worship, a local food bank, etc. This is also a good way to expose them to people whose life experiences are different from their own and help them cultivate compassion for others.

Generosity. Help your kids find projects and causes they are passionate about and join them in those efforts. Cultivate their generosity through your example of donating time and money to the cause.

By taking these responsibilities seriously, dad, you can help prepare your kids for each stage of life leading into adulthood. It will also give you a sense of accomplishment knowing that you’re fulfilling a big part of your life’s mission by parenting intentionally.

Jeff Hamilton

Jeff Hamilton is a pastor, coach, consultant, and founder of Dad Academy®, an online cohort workshop that helps dads understand their mission and develop a personal DadPlan™ to parent on purpose. He and his wife Jayme have been married for 30+ years and raised 2 awesome children to adulthood. The Hamiltons live in Orange County, California.

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