Dad: Make Sure Your Kids Feel the Love

How do you express love to your children?

It’s a basic question—and one that matters more than we often realize.

We’re making progress. Many dads today are comfortable saying, “I love you” to their kids every day. That’s a huge shift from past generations, when dads often expressed how they felt through actions more than words. Men who fixed things, worked hard, and provided for their families were loving dads—but verbalizing it was rare.

And this is no reason to bash our own fathers or other dads of previous generations. They probably never thought verbal affirmation was part of what a dad should do; it’s likely that their fathering role models were even more stoic and unexpressive.

So now, each of us has a choice. We can take into consideration the various role models and leaders who have influenced us, but it’s up to us to decide what kind of fathers we want to be. And it’s undeniable that expressing love to our children is powerful. Saying “I love you” and “I’m so proud of you” can be a tremendous blessing and a real benefit to our kids. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy or natural for us, but we can grow in that direction.

A middle schooler named Blake provided a valuable perspective on this in a few lines he wrote in an essay about his dad:

What I think is best about my dad is that I can feel the love... I have never questioned if I am loved. My dad has always told me, “You can be mad at me or hate me, you could do anything, but I will always love you.”

Pause for a minute and think about that:

“I have never questioned if I am loved.”

That’s the goal, isn’t it? The thought of a child carrying that unwavering sense of security through life is incredibly powerful. We want our kids to go through life without doubting that their dad loves them. It's a foundation that gives them the confidence to take on the world. It’s the kind of love that builds resilience, self-worth, and a deep-seated trust that lasts a lifetime.

Once again, it won’t be easy for some dads: “I finally muscled up the courage to start saying ‘I love you’ to my kids ... and that’s not enough?” Saying it is a huge step. This isn't about replacing those words; it's about giving them more weight. It's about explaining what your love truly means. Think of it as adding layers of meaning to the foundation you've already started to build; you’re translating the feelings behind the phrase into clear promises and realities your child can understand.

Here are simple, honest extensions you can use word-for-word or put your own spin on them—short, plain sentences that tell your kids exactly what your love looks like:

“You don’t have to prove anything or be perfect. I love you simply because you’re you.”

“I love you. That doesn’t always mean I’ll do what you want, but I’ll always try to do what’s best for our family.”

“I love you. Sometimes I mess up showing it, but I’m working on doing it better.”

“There’s nothing you can do that would make me love you less.”

“Even when things are hard between us, I still love you.”

You shouldn’t have to look very hard to find opportunities to use these. Say them after a child has disobeyed or been difficult—when you want them to know the boundaries you set come from care, not anger. Say them before bed, when the house is quiet and a brief, honest line goes a long way. Say them after mistakes—yours and theirs. Saying, “I was wrong. I’m sorry. I love you,” models humility and shows that love endures failure.

Also, love isn’t only spoken. Pair your words with a look, a hand on a shoulder, a text in the middle of a tough day, or a follow-through that shows you meant what you said. Specific praise helps, too. Instead of just “I’m proud of you,” try: “I’m proud that you kept going on that project even when it got hard.” Specifics make love tangible.

If you worry about sounding sappy, keep it simple. Real, steady, consistent language matters more than theatrics. Kids don’t need a speech every day; they need to know the message is true—that your love is not conditional or negotiable.

Blake's dad clearly understood this. He gave a promise from the heart that outlasts bad moods, missed games, and teenage rebellion. That’s the kind of message that builds connection and trust through hard times.

So try it, dad.

Say “I love you,” then include a short statement that takes it a step further or shows what you mean. Keep doing it in the small moments and the big ones.

When your children know without a doubt that they are loved by their dad—not just because of what they do, but because of who they are—they gain the confidence to try, to fail, and to achieve just about anything they set their minds to. Make sure your kids feel the love. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them.

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