Honor Your Kids' Mom Every Day — Not Just Once a Year

by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.

A leader of a large inner-city ministry once told me something I've never forgotten: gang members won't bother you if you know their mother. Even in the toughest and most desperate corners of our society, there is reverence for moms. That's worth thinking about as we head into Mother's Day.

Mother's Day should go further than flowers and breakfast in bed. Here are just a few reasons why:

She Brings What You Can't

There's a useful image in Scripture that captures the parenting partnership: two oxen hitched together under the same yoke. Not the most flattering comparison, but stay with it. When the two pull together, the load moves. When one is struggling, the other picks up the slack. When they're facing different directions, nothing goes anywhere.

You and your children's mom are hitched to that yoke together. The question isn't whether you're yoked — you already are. The question is how well you're pulling together.

Here's the practical reality behind that image: Even the best father can only give his children a masculine perspective. Valuable as that is, it's not the whole picture. It takes a woman — preferably their mother — to provide what rounds out their world. Mothers are indispensable. And dads, we play a key role in encouraging them and advocating for them, not just parenting alongside them.

Honoring the Office, Not Just the Person

When you honor your children's mom, you're doing more than being decent to another person. You're telling your children something they'll carry for the rest of their lives: that motherhood itself is worthy of honor. That the role she fills matters. Kids receive that message even when they can't find words for it.

And for dads whose relationship with their children's mom is strained or broken, this still applies. It may be harder to honor the person, but you can still honor the office. Your kids need to see that too.

A fourth-grade girl once wrote about her father: "He treats my mom very nicely, which makes me feel wanted."

She didn't say it made her family happier. She didn't say it taught her good values. (Though those are real benefits too.) She said it made her feel wanted. The kindness and respect a dad shows toward his children's mom — the patience, the generosity, the willingness to put her needs alongside his own — creates an atmosphere the whole family lives inside. Your kids are absorbing it constantly. When they see you treat their mom well, something settles in them. They feel secure. They feel loved. They feel like the world is as it should be.

That's worth more than any single gesture on any single day.

Two Things to Do Before Mother's Day

First, help your kids honor her — and don't wait until Sunday morning. They may need a few dollars for a gift. They may need help deciding what she'd actually like. Give them the resources and the encouragement ahead of time so they have the chance to do something meaningful for her on their own.

Second, don't forget your own mother. If she is still in your life, don't let the day pass without honoring her too. And if she's no longer here, carrying forward gratitude for what she gave you — and sharing that with your kids — is its own form of honor.

Mother's Day isn't just about making a gesture. It's a reminder of what's actually true all year long: she's been carrying the other side of the yoke all along. This is a good time to tell her you know it — and to make sure your kids are watching when you do.

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