Making Time for Your Teen: How Small Yeses Build Big Relationships

Teenagers are hard to read.

One minute they’re locked in their rooms with headphones on, the next they’re asking you to go grab fries or fix something with them in the garage. You can’t always predict when they’ll want to talk—but when they do, dad, be ready.

Because the window doesn’t stay open long.

Roy, a dad of a thirteen-year-old named Sam, knows this well. Like most fathers of teens, he found that connection was hit-and-miss—and lately, it felt like more miss than hit. Busy schedules. Shifting interests. Lots of good intentions, not a lot of follow-through.

But one stormy night, everything changed.

A Sunrise, a Football, and a Yes

Roy had crashed on the couch during a thunderstorm. Early the next morning, as the house sat quiet, Sam gently woke him up and asked, “Hey Dad, can we go outside and watch the sunrise?”

That wasn’t on Roy’s agenda. But something about the ask felt important. So he said yes.

Together they watched the sunrise. They tossed a football. Then they cooked oatmeal before the rest of the family woke up.

A few days later, Roy asked Sam if he wanted to hit tennis balls. Now, every day when Roy walks in the door after work, Sam asks: “Dad, can we go play tennis?”

Just like that, a few “yeses” turned into a rhythm. A relationship. A habit of connection.

Connection Comes in Disguise

The teen years can feel like a slow drift. You want to stay close, but they’re pulling away. You long for conversation, but all you get is a grunt. You remember when they ran to you after work—but now they barely look up.

Here’s the truth: your teenager still needs you.
They just don’t always know how to say it.
Sometimes they ask with their words.
Other times with a late-night question, a request for help, or a random suggestion at an inconvenient hour.

Be ready. These are the disguised invitations to their heart.

Why the Small Yeses Matter

When you say yes to something small—watching a sunrise, fixing the car, shooting hoops—you’re not just spending time. You’re meeting needs.

According to Dr. Kathy Koch’s Five Core Needs, every child, even teens, longs for:

• Security – “Can I trust you to show up for me?”
• Identity – “Do you still see me as I change?”
• Belonging – “Do I still fit here, even when I pull away?”
• Purpose – “Am I worth making time for?”
• Competence – “Do you believe I can grow, struggle, and thrive?”

Teens won’t always verbalize these needs. But they’re there, just beneath the surface. And when you show up—even if you’re tired or it’s not convenient—you answer their questions with presence.

You Can’t Force the Moments—But You Can Be Ready

Teen connection isn’t about scheduling the perfect talk or orchestrating a breakthrough moment.

It’s about paying attention.
Being interruptible.
Saying yes when the window cracks open.

It might come at 10 p.m. when you’re exhausted.
Or on a morning when you’re late for work.
Or while you’re fixing the Wi-Fi, and suddenly they ask what you were like in high school.

Roy didn’t plan to connect with his son that morning. But when the opportunity came, he didn’t miss it. That one “yes” led to a daily rhythm—and slowly, the guilt of “not enough time” started to fade.

You Don’t Have to Be Interesting. You Just Have to Be There.

A toddler will chase you down to play. A teen might pretend they don’t need you. But every now and then, they reach out—and in those moments, your response shapes their story.

Don’t worry about having the perfect words or the coolest plans. They don’t need a highlight reel. They need you.

You don’t have to impress. You just have to be present.

The moments they’ll remember won’t be polished. They’ll be simple:

• You said yes when they asked.
• You laughed, even when it was awkward.
• You listened, even when they didn’t say much.

Be Watchful. Be Willing. Be the Dad Who Shows Up.

Teenagers need to know their dad wants to be with them, not just when it’s convenient, but when it matters.

That might mean learning something new. Sacrificing your own comfort. Trying something they love, even if it’s outside your zone. But that’s what love looks like. And that’s what makes the teen years more than just a challenge—they can be a launchpad.

One sunrise at a time.

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