Dad, here’s one important thought that can help guide your fathering efforts:

You’re raising a future adult.

It might be difficult to imagine right now, but one day your child will be “adulting” in significant ways. Will she be responsible and kind? Will he follow through on commitments? There are all kinds of noble goals we can and should have for what kind of adults our children will become. And it’s always appropriate to include a reminder that, while we do have a lot of influence as fathers and we should take that very seriously, there are no guarantees that our best efforts with our kids will help them avoid mistakes and difficulties—sometimes big ones.

One aspect of this for many dads is instilling a “strong, old-fashioned work ethic” in their kids. How can we help them develop a positive sense of dedication to worthwhile projects and tasks, along with an ability to follow through with quality work … without allowing work to become an overwhelming obsession? Can we even hope that they could become visionary leaders in areas that make big contributions to a better world?

Again, it’s probably hard to grasp right now, whether your child is a toddler who’s trying to master potty training or a teenager whose main interest seems to be video games. It really does no good to call them “couch potatoes” or tell them how hard your father made you work years ago when you were their age.

What’s a better approach? Here are some ideas to consider:

Help them create a vision for their work life.

Our children will develop heroes in various occupations and life pursuits—and this isn’t about a Marvel movie character. It could be a nurse or firefighter, a pastor or hairdresser, a teacher or engineer. It could even be you!

The bigger idea is to help them capture a sense that their careers can be about more than earning money to live on or buy nice things. In the best case, it will coincide with a life calling that brings fulfillment because they are in their sweet spot and helping to bring about something worthwhile that benefits people.

You probably have acquaintances who are in those “sweet spot” situations, and it’s worth the effort to give your kids a chance to ask them questions and maybe even shadow them for a day. Or it could be simply starting a dinner-table conversation about different careers people have that are interesting and rewarding.

Get them used to the concept of work.

Yes, this is about setting up “chores” around the house for your kids. If you’re rolling your eyes, it’s probably for good reason. Maybe this was a familiar battleground years ago between you and your parents, or maybe this is something you’ve tried to start with your kids but it just hasn’t worked out. But there really are some good reasons to try again—like giving your kids opportunities to contribute to the family and learn that even strenuous work can be beneficial and even enjoyable.

A few tips:

Dad, you have to set a good example here by keeping a good attitude and staying upbeat when you talk about tasks and menial work around the house. Maybe even try to find ways to make chores a fun family event.

Make your expectations clear … with flexibility. Maybe post a list on the refrigerator with names for each task and a deadline, allowing for some wiggle room or negotiating about who does what. Deadlines are important, but they also need to be reasonable.

Refuse to nag or yell. Heated emotions and conflict create resentment and draw your child’s attention away from the task at hand. Help them develop the habit of completing things without your reminders.

When they forget or refuse to complete their chores, enforce consequences with empathy. You aren’t angry; you’re sad that they decided to neglect their work and miss out on a privilege. Anger would likely only distract them from the learning potential of the situation.

Should you pay a child for chores? Some believe this should be early training for the “real world,” where pay is usually earned and rewards are often tied to effort, initiative, and a good attitude. Others are adamant that you shouldn’t pay for chores because: 1) they are an expected contribution that children make to the family, 2) they come with some very valuable, non-monetary rewards that kids need to learn to appreciate, and 3) kids will have other good opportunities to learn about how a real job works. With either approach, it makes sense to “celebrate” a job well done with a small reward or treat of some kind.

Set a good example.

This deserves more attention because it’s bigger than how you handle chores. Your own modeling is a big influence as your kids notice your day-to-day habits and whether you have a strong work ethic. They may not think in those terms, but they know you as someone who takes on projects and completes them, or as one who puts things off and would rather relax and scroll through YouTube or watch the game on TV. Chances are you’re probably a mix of those, but your kids will notice.

They will also pick up a lot from how you talk about your job. If you’re always complaining about it or you’re visibly frustrated every time you return home from work, that will influence their attitudes and larger outlook.

You don’t have to be perfect; we all get frustrated about our jobs from time to time. But it will help if you’re willing to share with them on a level they can relate to about some of the issues and decisions you face on the job, including some struggles, victories, mistakes and successes. Give them a bigger-picture view that goes on beyond the projects and tasks, including relationships you’re building, feelings of accomplishment or disappointment, and so on. Share some “real world” wisdom that will serve them well once they start working part-time jobs and eventually establish their own careers.

How has this worked for you? Do you have tips to share regarding chores and your kids’ work ethic? Help some other dads by leaving a comment on our Facebook page.