Dad, Your Kids Are Watching You in the Stands

Dad, are youth coaches quitting because of you?

A national survey released in January 2026 by the U.S. Center for SafeSport paints a troubling picture. Most of America's youth-sport coaches are feeling burned out and fed up with verbal harassment and abuse—mainly from parents. The challenge of managing parents ranks among the top reasons coaches have considered leaving or decided to quit.

One coach put it bluntly: "They created tension. They instilled distrust. They were worse than children."

And it's not just sports. We recently heard from a drama and music instructor who said she's giving up working with kids — not because of the kids, but because of how parents behave during and surrounding the rehearsals and performances. With all of their pressure, criticism, and almost constant second-guessing, she's had enough.

Dads, this should give us pause. Our kids need coaches, instructors, and mentors who invest in them. But if we're driving those people away, we're actually hurting the very children we're trying to help.

So let's think about how we show up — and whether we need to make some changes.

We all know that dad. The one yelling at referees, second-guessing every call, belittling players — sometimes even his own kid. He thinks he's helping. Everyone else just wants him to stop. And his child? Probably wishing she could disappear. Let's make sure that dad isn't us.

Ask the Hard Question: Is This About Them or Me?

One dad was watching his daughter’s indoor soccer game, and he just couldn't sit still. He kept yelling instructions: "Be aggressive!" "You can't wait for the play to come to you!" A few minutes later, she scored a beautiful goal and looked straight at her parents with a huge smile. Her dad clapped, but he still seemed irritated about her earlier play.

It was such a clear picture of how much our kids look to us for affirmation, and how often we're focused on something else entirely.

It’s a question worth asking in those moments: Is how I'm acting right now more about me and what I want, or more about what's best for my child?

Whether it's a basketball game, a piano recital, or a school play, our kids are watching to see if we're proud of them — maybe even more than they’re worried about how they’re performing.

Remember: No One's Getting Paid Millions

It helps to keep perspective. These are kids. They're playing for fun, learning skills, and figuring out who they are. They're not professional athletes or Broadway performers.

Go ahead and cheer. But remember, there's a lot more at stake than a win or a flawless performance. You have nothing to prove except that you love and support your child — win or lose, home run or missed note.

Former MLB manager Mike Matheny once wrote a now-famous letter to parents before agreeing to coach a boys' team. His message was direct: "I believe that the biggest role of the parent is to be a silent source of encouragement." He argued that constant cheering and coaching from the stands only adds distraction from what the coaches are trying to teach and puts added pressure on the kids, who are already feeling plenty of pressure already.

You don't have to adopt that approach, but consider this: your presence at your child's event already communicates love. It's how you handle yourself once you're there that will encourage or embarrass your son or daughter.

Guard Your Family's Schedule

Another angle that’s worth including: Are your kids' activities taking over your family's life?

Sports are the most common culprit, but it could be travel teams, competitive dance, or year-round music commitments. One dad named Charles told us his two boys play every sport they can, and he coaches at least one team each year. That ties up several nights a week for months. And he knows it will only intensify as they get older.

It's worth having a heart-to-heart with your kids' mom. Ask: What's driving our kids' high level of participation? If it's their interest, that's one thing. But if it's your ambitions for them, that's something to examine honestly.

Talk to older parents whose values you respect. Ask how they navigated it and what they'd do differently. Their wisdom can save you years of regret.

Let Your Kids Explore Different Paths

Not every child is an athlete. Encourage exploration — music, art, woodworking, drama, coding, whatever sparks their interest. And never let any activity distract from their development in other areas, especially their character and faith.

It does come down to priorities, dad. Activities can enhance family life or they can slowly erode it. Be on guard.

Say the Six Words That Matter Most

According to one study of college athletes, there are six words they most appreciated hearing from their parents. Not constructive criticism. Not a play-by-play breakdown. Just this:

"I love to watch you play."

Try it after the next game, recital, or performance. Then let it sit. No "buts." No suggestions for improvement. Just affirmation.

Dad, your presence at your child's events is a gift. But so is your self-control, your encouragement, and your perspective. Let's be the kind of dads who make coaches want to stay — and who make our kids feel proud to look up in the stands and see us there.