25 Ways to Speak Life to Your Daughter

by Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield

Dads, if my previous blog a few weeks ago felt a bit brutal or negative, this one will be more uplifting … if you will take it to heart and follow through.

‍Using a similar approach as last time — getting straight to the point and using as few words as possible — here’s my list of things to always, under all circumstances, and as often as possible say to your daughter if you want to be a dailed-in dad.

What TO say to your daughter:

• What did I ever do to deserve such an incredible daughter like you?!
• Do you know how grateful I am to be your dad?!
• You look so beautiful today.
• You get prettier with each passing year.
• You’re right, I don’t understand you right now but I want to understand. Can you help me understand?
• I’m here for you no matter what. Any time, day or night, I will do my best to be available. You can text or call me when I’m at work or out of town and I’ll figure out a way to respond as soon as I can.
• I want you to know that I enjoy you.
• You are going to make a great wife and mother some day (if you choose that).
• I’ve seen so much growth in you… (List specifics.)
• Tell me what you’re learning in school (or at work). I’d love to hear.
• What was good about your day today?
• What was hard about your day today?
• God broke the mold when He made you! You are one of a kind!
• You are completely unique and gifted. (List specifics.)
• I love you just the way you are.
• You could never disappointment me no matter what you do or don’t do, because I love you unconditionally.
• What a treasure you are. Any guy who gets to date you (or eventually marry you) is a very lucky man.
• In my eyes, you are the best of the best.
• I am so proud of you.
• I like who you are.
• I love you.
• You are amazing!
• I look forward to our dates where we get to spend time together, just you and me.
• I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?
• I want you to know that no matter what, I will always be your main man.

Now, dads, these are positive and uplifting, but that doesn’t mean they’re always easy to say. It will likely require some hard work and intentionality to really dial in to your daughter’s heart space. If you haven’t been consistently speaking these kinds of positive statements in the past, she might doubt your sincerity. Or maybe the words will feel strange coming out of your mouth. Still, those aren’t reasons to give up. As we all know …

Nothing worthwhile and valuable is ever easy.

Hard work is required in your career world, and this is all about bringing your best work ethic home.

Remember that your view of her—based on the thoughts and impressions communicated from your mouth to her ears—is paramount to the view she carries about herself now and throughout her life.

Carry this list in your pocket or on your phone, and look for opportunities to speak one positive statement to your daughter every day over the course of the next month.

Watch what happens in her as a result … and in you.

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Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield is a licensed professional counselor of more than 30 years, founder of The Abba Project, a 9-month group forum for dads of daughters (ages 13 to 30), and author of Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters and Dad, Here’s What I Really Need from You: A Guide for Connecting with Your Daughter’s Heart (both available on Amazon and Audible). She also hosts the award-winning “The Dad Whisperer" podcast, which you can access on her website, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts. Visit drmichellewatson.com for more information and to sign up for her weekly Dad-Daughter Friday blogs. You can also follow or send feedback on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

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