Make Memories, Not Nightmares: Dads & Halloween

For many families, Halloween rolls around each fall like a familiar old friend — a chance to dust off those family traditions that are always fun. Maybe it’s carving pumpkins together in the garage or strolling the neighborhood in those adorable and imaginative costumes. And let’s not forget the candy haul, that sweet reward that turns the evening into a celebration of fun and togetherness (and later, sugar highs and stomach aches). Who would complain about that?

Yet, as dads, we know it isn’t always just tricks and treats.

We should be mindful that this holiday can be a whirlwind for young children to process, especially when their world suddenly fills with sights and sounds that blur the line between playful and frightening.

Picture your little one wide-eyed at the towering 12-foot skeleton looming in a neighbor’s yard, or recoiling from a ghoulish mannequin on a front porch, its angry, oozing face designed to startle kids who pass by. Then there are the movies and videos popping up everywhere, filled with jump scares and gory scenes, not to mention those haunted houses engineered to terrify, leaving lingering thoughts that might creep into bedtime dreams.

It’s easy for us adults to brush it off as harmless fun, and for some kids maybe it really is. But are we sure we understand how each of our children is being affected by all this? Is there a chance these elements are stirring up confusion, fear, or even deeper questions about the world around them?

Here are a few suggestions to consider as a dad:

Celebrate in a way that aligns with your priorities and beliefs.

First, there are some parents who, for various reasons, totally downplay or ignore the holiday — and that's a legitimate approach. You can get candy for your kids in many other ways; maybe the rest of it isn't worth the hassle.

For those who do celebrate but are concerned about how it could affect your kids, focus on the aspects that bring genuine enjoyment without compromise. Dive into the wholesome parts — the costume parades, the creative crafts, the shared excitement of doorbell-ringing adventures. But if something crosses a line and violates your conscience or your kids’ mom finds a reason for concern, don’t hesitate to set appropriate limits on what your kids can participate in.

For instance, skipping a gruesome haunted attraction or opting out of a horror movie might mean your child misses an activity his friends are buzzing about. And that’s perfectly okay — it’s a hallmark of responsible parenting, teaching them early on that standing by your values sometimes means standing apart from the crowd.

Check in with each child.

This is especially crucial with young kids, who might internalize these experiences in unexpected ways. Take the time to briefly gauge how they’re processing what they’ve seen and heard, perhaps over a post-Halloween hot chocolate. Ask gentle questions like, “What do you think when you see that big skeleton next door?” or, “Did anything make you feel uneasy tonight?”

You’ll quickly discover that each child is different — one might shrug off a scary mask as “just pretend,” while another could dwell on it, replaying the image in her mind and needing reassurance to feel safe again. By tuning into each individual child, you’re not just reacting to the moment; you’re building a foundation of open communication that strengthens your bond.

Take the conversations a step further.

With kids of all ages, it’s wise to extend this into a broader conversation about the very real and important issues that surface during this time — some even touching on eternal matters. Wait a day or two after the festivities, when the excitement has settled but the memories are still vivid, and ask a few thoughtful questions in the car or at the dinner table. For example:

• “What’s real and what’s fake about Halloween?” Help them distinguish between costumes and decorations versus actual dangers.

• “How can we tell the difference between things that are just scary for fun and those that feel threatening or truly evil?” Explore whether those Halloween images of ghosts, monsters and zombies are exaggerated caricatures meant to entertain, or if there’s a more ominous sense of danger and malice behind them.

• “How should we respond when we feel afraid?” Talk about practical actions — maybe how turning to family, prayer, or logic can help dispel fears.

• “What do we believe about spirits, death, and what comes next?” Don’t shy away from bigger-picture talks that can instill wisdom and provide a broader perspective.

Dad, Halloween might seem like a frivolous escape into fantasy, but beneath the costumes and candy, it offers a valuable window to sharpen your awareness of your children’s inner world. By guiding them through the fun and the frights with intention, you’re shaping them in important, lasting ways — fostering resilience, discernment, and a deeper understanding of your family’s values and identity.

In the end, it’s about turning potential moments of distress into closer connections and stronger hearts and minds.

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