Dad, You Matter More Than You Know

Ryan and his teenage son were enjoying a few days away together, just the two of them. It was some planned father-son time — a few days camping, some time on the water, good company and easy conversation.

Ryan was enjoying it for sure, but he wouldn’t have called it anything extraordinary or life-changing.

Then, toward the end of their afternoon kayaking on the river, his son looked over at him and said: “Thanks, Dad. I’m having the best time.”

It caught him completely off guard. He’d been engaged with his son for those few days and it was all positive, but it wasn’t an expensive trip to an exciting destination. There were no mountaintop adventures or roller coasters involved, just a few days hanging out together. And somehow, to his son it was the “best time.”

As dads, we don’t often hear that from our kids out loud. But it still happens sometimes.

Two Diaries, One Afternoon

Ryan was caught off guard — but to his credit, he had planned and prioritized that time. There's a well-known story involving another dad who had no idea what a day together would mean to his son. Charles Francis Adams, grandson of President John Adams, was a man of considerable accomplishment and a faithful keeper of a daily journal. One entry reads simply:

“Went fishing with my son today — a day wasted.”

His son Brook kept a journal too. Here is his entry about the same day:

“Went fishing with my father — the most wonderful day of my life.”

Brook continued to talk and write about that fishing trip for the next thirty years. Two people. The same experience. Two completely different perspectives on it.

Dad, have you heard similar words from your son or daughter? Do you grasp how important you are to your kids — and how much they cherish the time you spend together?

What you don’t want to hear is something like what one young woman wrote: “My father is a multi-millionaire who gets paid thousands of dollars an hour. I sometimes wonder if the only way to get an hour of his time and attention is to pay for it.”

What Registers as Ordinary

Spending an hour shooting baskets, building a LEGO® castle, or working on a geometry homework assignment with your child might register as ordinary to you. But it’s very likely your kids cherish those moments.

We’ve seen the same thing in essays children have written about their dads:

Timmy: “My daddy loves me. He plays with me. He takes me to the park. He takes me for ice cream. He plays baseball with me. He tickles me a lot.”

Bethany: “He chases me. He tucks me in bed at night and prays with me. When we go to the beach I get on his back and he swims.”

Leigh: “One time, my daddy took me up in a big, big tree. He tied a big rope around his waist and tied the other end around my waist. We both climbed all the way to the top.”

In these three examples — and many more we could list — the children aren’t writing about a vacation, a big purchase, or a planned event. They write about the walks and the park and the bedtime prayers and the tree. These are the moments these fathers almost certainly wouldn’t have called significant ... until they read their child’s essay.

Small Deposits

The glimpses are rare. Dads don’t often hear a child say, “I’m having the best time” or read a glowing essay that a child has written. But that doesn’t mean your child isn’t feeling your warmth and commitment.

Listening attentively as your five-year-old tells the same story for the tenth time is a small deposit. Taking your daughter to the gym for an hour before volleyball tryouts is a small deposit. None of it feels extraordinary in the moment, but your children mature at a much higher rate of interest than any mutual fund — and small, consistent deposits of time and attention compound in ways you may never fully see.

Keep investing the time, dad. Make those small, everyday deposits in each of your children — and sometimes some bigger ones. Schedule the camping trip. Take her out for lunch, just the two of you. Shoot baskets in the driveway. Help him build something. Sit with her while she does her homework, even if you’re just there. Go to the park. Stay up a little later to talk.

You don’t always know what will land in your child’s heart, but it’s probably happening anyway — more than you know.

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