by Jeff Zaugg

Have you ever had dreams or expectations that fell flat or didn’t materialize the way you hoped?

That happened to my family and me a few years ago when we were on an RV trip in Texas. We had plans to spend a few days at a lake that looked beautiful on the website, but when we pulled in, the lake was completely dry. We found out that a dam had broken some months earlier and the water drained out of the lake, but there was nothing about that on the website.

It wasn’t that big of an issue for us; we didn’t have a boat or any plans to be in the water. And besides, we all knew that this is how the RV life works sometimes.

Sometimes dad life is like that too.

We have expectations for how things are going to be, and reality turns out to be very different. And sometimes that comes with huge disappointment.

That’s what we see when we look at Joseph, the dad in the Christmas story. He experienced disappointment that had to be beyond what most of us can imagine, and I see 3 dad life principles from his story that can apply to us—especially me.

1. He paused.

As you know from the account in the Bible, Joseph discovered that Mary, his wife-to-be, was pregnant. It had to be devastating news. Even though he later learned that it was a miraculous pregnancy, can we blame Joseph for assuming the worst of her at first? In that moment, his thought was to break off the engagement, which would have been his right given what seemed to be obvious and the laws that he lived by. Still, he planned to do it without publicly shaming her—which also would have been almost expected of him.

But he paused. He did not let the emotions of the moment overtake him.

This is a big challenge for me. I have four young daughters and, especially when all six of us are traveling together in the tight confines of the RV, life can get hectic. They might have a disagreement or something might go wrong, and emotions can run high. Too often, my first reaction is to match the emotion and show my frustration. I might even say something harsh to try to restore order, which only leads to more hurt feelings and drama.

Especially during the holidays, we have to remember that things won’t always go our way and expectations won’t always be met. We need the presence of mind to slow down, maybe count to ten, and do whatever is necessary to de-escalate and avoid reacting out of emotion or disappointment.

2. He considered.

At this point in Joseph’s story, there’s a brief description in the Bible account that often gets overlooked:

“after he had considered this.”

This is Joseph moving a step beyond pausing to considering. He apparently spent some time really pondering the right course of action.

Once we have paused, that’s when we can take a walk, say a prayer, and maybe talk with a friend. When we take time to consider, that increases the likelihood that we’ll make a good decision—one that’s not based on our own pride or emotions, but takes into account the good of others.

Let’s remember, too, that our kids are watching us. Our ability to pause and consider will set a powerful example for them and help create an atmosphere of peace in our families.

3. He followed guidance.

I believe Joseph’s presence of mind to pause and consider put him in the right frame of mind to receive direction. When the angel appeared and instructed him to marry Mary anyway, his confusion and disappointment were changed to clarity and hope. He was able to follow through and become part of a bigger miracle at the birth of Jesus.

Many times, we dads like to think we know what’s best. After all, we’re supposed to be capable leaders who know how to handle things. But really we’re quite limited. We only see one side of any situation and often we’re motivated by our own selfish desires or the strong emotions surging through us. Sometimes we might respond to family members based on some other frustrations in the day that had nothing to do with them. Believe me, I’ve been there.

Those are just a few of many reasons why it’s good for us to seek out wisdom. We can be confident, motivated dads who are still humble enough to not always trust our own thoughts and insights. We all need that guidance—from God, from our children’s mom, and from other dads who can encourage us and help us talk through difficult situations. We benefit from getting other perspectives on our struggles.

My perspective on that empty lake in Texas soon changed. My daughters enjoyed exploring the dry lakebed, and the sunset over that rocky terrain was incredible.

Guys, we can discover some incredible things and grow as fathers simply by pausing and considering, and then following guidance. These principles sure seemed to work for Joseph, who showed calmness during a time of devastation, and he played a key role during a huge moment in history. I believe these principles will lead to some miraculous moments for each of us this Christmas as well.

Jeff Zaugg is a loving husband, intentional dad, and passionate advocate for the fatherless. With experience in nonprofit leadership and pastoring, he founded DadAwesome in 2018 and has since hosted more than 308 podcast episodes. In 2019 he founded Fathers for the Fatherless, which has mobilized over 850 men in the U.S., Mexico, and Spain to ride their bikes 100 miles, raising over $870,000 for the fatherless. Jeff and his wife Michelle have four daughters and are based out of Minnesota but can currently be found traveling the country together in an RV. Jeff enjoys waterskiing, cycling, ultimate frisbee, surfing, slacklining, spikeball, triathlons and building tree forts.