Do you get it dad? Are you actively doing the habits associated with great fathering?
Here at fathers.com, we put a lot of stock in empirical research about fathering. Much of our research is quantitative: social science data that can be measured, categorized and ranked. And we see that research confirmed again and again when we interact with dads.
Through the years, our staff has interviewed hundreds of men about how they live out effective fathering. Since those real-life guys may not have studied our research, they don’t talk about being involved, consistent, aware and nurturing—what we call the I-CANs of Fathering. But over time our staff learned to identify some of the best dads based on some telltale comments. When we heard them talk about certain fathering habits or topics, we knew those guys really get it. They incorporate traits and attitudes that translate into great fathering.
In this case, the research is more qualitative—based more on observations, interviews and personal experiences. Admittedly, there is more room for some disagreement and interpretation here, but these are the four fathering habits that our staff heard about over and over from great dads:
They express love.
Some dads will say things like, “Susie knows I love her because she sees me doing things for her and with her.” And that’s a valid answer. Kids do feel loved when their dads are involved and help care for them. But dads also need to say it: I love you. They put their own discomfort or ego aside and say it often because kids need to hear it.
These dads ignore the costs.
Some dads might be committed to their families, but they’re constantly thinking about what they’ve sacrificed to be a father: things they enjoy, money, job advancement, and so on. But being a great dad isn’t sacrifice! It’s a wise move based on priorities—an intentional investment in something more important than those other things. These dads do it because they know their children need them.
Great dads acknowledge the impact of loving their children’s mother.
That isn’t to say there are no great single or divorced dads, but it does speak volumes when dads recognize the great security kids gain when they see that their dad and mom are committed to each other or are at least committed to working together for the children’s benefit.
They see the bigger picture.
They recognize that healthy fathering reaches beyond the walls of their own homes and encourages kids who don’t have a dad. They see that engaged fathers and father figures can truly change the culture, because many of society’s issues will be helped when dads step up and care for their children and other kids in their sphere of influence.
What about you, dad? Do you get it? Do these qualities challenge you, like they should challenge all of us, to be more committed to your family tomorrow than you are today?
How do you respond to these? And what other qualities help identify great dads for you? Join the discussion on our Facebook page.
