Teens

All Ray wanted to do was use the phone. He picked up the receiver and got ready to dial but his 16-year-old son Jeff was on the phone with a friend. Before Ray could put the receiver down, something about Jeff’s hushed tone made him listen. "I’ve got $20. That should be enough to set us up for the weekend", he heard Jeff say. Curious, Ray listened a little longer as Jeff and his friend peppered their conversation with strange words like "blunts", "pocket rockets", and "hot sticks."

In a significant study on adolescent development, researchers Schneider & Stevenson note that teenagers perceive their fathers more positively than what is commonly believed. Though the father/child relationships went through periods of "some conflict and identity formation," they were "not as turbulent as others have depicted." For the most part, adolescents described their fathers as supportive, loving, and accepting of them.

Research on adolescent development by Child Trends notes that teens and their behaviors frequently “cluster”: good or bad behaviors (and good or bad peers) tend to come in groups. For instance, if your teen is struggling academically, he is likely to add a group of other negative behaviors, such as smoking, taking drugs, binge drinking or risky sexual behavior; and he will likely associate with friends who struggle with those same issues. As the number of negative behaviors increases, teens will isolate themselves in groups that have similar behaviors. Clearly, this phenomenon presents enormous challenges for fathers who hope to intervene and help their adolescents.

To tattoo or not to tattoo. That is a very common question these days.

A dad named Maurice wrote us with a real hot question. His teenage son is active in the church and well respected by almost everyone … and he wants to get a tattoo.

Even dads who do a great job through the first dozen years can hit a snag when it comes to dealing with teenagers. I have a friend named Martin who knows what makes an effective father. I've watched him go through the early stages of fatherhood with good success. But when his children arrived at adolescence, he "hit the wall."

When children enter adolescence, they experience some pretty drastic ups and downs. So do fathers. What goes up for a dad? Food bills, auto insurance premiums, the stereo volume, and your frustration level: "All right, who used my razor to shave her legs?!" Other things go down: free access to the bathroom mirror, the one-on-one basketball games that you win, the gas gauge in the car.