Tristan Thompson has come to an important realization as a father.

You may know him as the former NBA player who went on to be in a relationship and have children with Khloé Kardashian and make regular appearances on the Kardashians’ TV show. It’s a celebrity family that’s closely followed and widely gossiped about, and our intentions are to not get caught up in that. Except for this:

Recently, Tristan expressed a concern that his children will be “embarrassed that [he’s] their father” when they eventually learn about some of his past infidelities.

Take that for what it’s worth. Maybe this father of three is doing some serious soul searching, or maybe this was a passing comment that a reporter recorded and an editor turned into a headline. Ultimately it’s up to Tristan to follow through.

But maybe the rest of us should take a longer look at how his thoughts might apply to us. It’s good for all dads to regularly ponder questions like:

How are my actions, my mistakes, my habits, and my past affecting my children?

Haven’t we all had those thoughts at some point in the fathering journey? Having children and trying to raise them to be good, responsible people should make us look at the world differently and look more closely at our own decisions, and especially our past.

As we do so, there are four important truths to keep in mind:

We’re all role models for our kids.

They’re always watching us and learning from us and sometimes forming ideas about the world based on who we are and what we stand for. Modeling is 24 / 7 / 365, and we should view that as an important responsibility. Our character matters. Our children need us to be consistent. We should do our very best because we want the best for them.

At the same time, we can never be perfect.

Life is messy. Remember: our fathers weren’t perfect either and they had a huge influence on us. (And it’s the same with their fathers, and so on.) Add to that the mistakes we’ve all made, whether they were twenty years ago, five years ago, or five minutes ago. We can (and should) do our best to heal past hurts, reconcile relationships, and go forward in positive ways. Still, our past mistakes don’t always stay in the past, and sometimes our kids find out about them.

We need to embrace imperfection as dads.

We still do our best—acknowledging our weaknesses and working to address them and grow into the best people and the best dads we can be. But there are also positive lessons that come from those past mistakes, and we can use them to benefit us and those around us. Often the hard things we’ve experienced forced us to develop stronger character, and we wouldn’t be as strong as we are without the difficulty we endured in the past.

We can be more transparent with our kids.

When we’re at peace with our past and our own imperfections and struggles, that’s when we can be honest about them with our kids—at the right time and sharing in ways that are appropriate for their age. It’s good to be able to say to our kids: “I’m far from perfect. I really messed up and it brought me a lot of difficulty in life. And here’s what I learned through it. I want to help you avoid some of the hard things I went through.”

Dad, take it for what it’s worth. Maybe your past is nothing like what you’d see on a reality TV show, or maybe it’s worse. But it’s part of who you are and it can be useful as you seek to lead and love your own kids into adulthood.

Have you shared about past mistakes with your kids? How did it go? What tips can you share with other dads? Leave a comment and join the discussion at our Facebook page.

Action Points & Questions for Reflection and Discussion:

• How old were you when you recognized how imperfect your dad was?
• What figures in the media are influencing you, your kids, and your family? What are some positives and negatives you see in them?
• Do you ever catch your child mimicking one of your bad habits? Let that be a reminder to set a better example going forward.
• Resolve to give up the idea of projecting strength and perfection to your kids. Be open with them about your shortcomings. Learn to show each other patience and forgiveness.
• Ask each of your kids to tell you one of your strengths as a father. And then one area where you need to improve.