by Michelle Watson Canfield, PhD, LPC

Dad, there’s something important you need to know about your daughter. Here it is, short and to the point:

When a girl or woman knows and feels she is loved by her dad, she will have:

• greater confidence
• stronger inner fortitude
• higher self-esteem
• deeper compassion
• increased empathy

Those are clear outcomes based on numerous research studies, and I hope you view those as motivation to continue investing in your daughter and filling up that relationship bucket with consistent deposits.

Just in case you don’t hear it enough, let me make this clear:

You are the most important man in your daughter’s life.

… at least until she gets married, because you’re the first man who loved her. So it’s up to you to never give up on loving her in the ways that she needs and deserves.

If you’re like many men I’ve had the privilege of interacting with over the years, you’re well aware that relating to your daughter can be challenging. You need a refined skill set to communicate with her consistently and meaningfully, in ways that make her feel heard, especially as she grows older.

To help you build and strengthen your communication skill set, I’ve created an acrostic that underscores the required components to keep the conversation moving forward with your daughter. So if you ever get lost along the way with her myriads of words (or non-verbal expressions), just remember these four letters: “T-A-L-K.”

By doing these four things, I guarantee that you’ll stay headed in the right direction while staying close to your daughter throughout her entire life:

Time

Because love is spelled T-I-M-E. There’s nothing like spending time together to help you better understand each other and learn to relate in positive ways. The quality time can’t happen unless you’re investing some quantity time with her.

Affection

Because healthy, safe touch from Dad leads to greater self-esteem in your daughter. She needs that physical affirmation as more evidence that she is special to you. This may seem awkward as she gets older, but she doesn’t need it from you any less. And if she experiences this with you, she’s less likely to go “lookin’ for love in all the wrong places.”

Listen

Because when you listen, you give her the message that she is worth listening to, she has value, and she matters to you. So make it your goal to actively listen to her. Give her your undivided attention and focus on what she says, then ask follow-up questions to make sure you’re tracking with her.

Kindness

Because wrapping all that you do with this quality will keep her heart open to you and to the world around her. If you really do consider her special and precious, then it should show in your actions. Your kindness makes it more obvious that you love her and you want the best for her.

Dad, if you ever find yourself overwhelmed in your relationship with your daughter—or perhaps even a bit confused about which way to turn—I trust that these two words will come to mind as you invite her to open up her heart and life to you while you simply say, “Let’s talk” and see how she responds!

Read more from Michelle at fathers.com here.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield is a licensed professional counselor of 28 years, founder of The Abba Project, a 9-month group forum for dads of daughters (ages 13 to 30), and author of Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters and Dad, Here’s What I Really Need from You: A Guide for Connecting with Your Daughter’s Heart (both available on Amazon and Audible). She also hosts award-winning “The Dad Whisperer” Podcast, which you can access on her website and on Apple+, Google Podcasts, and Spotify. Visit drmichellewatson.com for more information and to sign up for her weekly Dad-Daughter Friday blogs. You can also follow or send feedback on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.