New Dad Feels: Enthusiasm and Cost

 

For most men, being a new father ignites some new feelings that don’t really come from any other experiences in life. Maybe you’re a new dad who is in the middle of this, maybe these thoughts will bring back some fond memories, or maybe you’re preparing to be a dad and looking for information and tips about what you’ve gotten yourself into.

There’s a lot that happens to us when we become dads; for now let’s look at just two feelings or experiences that come with that transition:

First, there’s enthusiasm.

This will often carry us through many of our days as new fathers. I definitely felt that when my first child, Hannah, was born. It all starts with the event—the delivery of your new baby, which is “exhilarating,” “breathtaking” and, well, indescribable. Then, for six months or so you keep running into people who haven’t heard the news, and you get to tell the incredible story over and over again.

You might start to feel a little drained from your lack of sleep, but then pretty soon your baby will learn to recognize your face, and then start laughing hysterically at your antics. Eventually he’ll say his first word and then take his first steps. There are milestones during those early months that give you fresh shots of pride and enthusiasm.

This stage of fatherhood is often relatively low maintenance for us dads. Mothers are as busy as they’ll ever be in their mothering role, but fathers are not quite so taxed. Your involvement at this stage means changing dirty diapers, dressing the baby, lots of talking and playing, and eventually coloring a picture or rolling a ball back and forth. Much of what your child needs is physical care and you don’t have to deal much in relational negotiations. (Those tests come later on.) The child’s needs are pretty easy to figure out and supply, and this whole fathering thing seems pretty grand.

There’s also an awareness of the cost.

Fatherhood brings a new sense of responsibility, which we often associate with what it will cost us. Up to now, we have largely been free to do what we want, when we want. If we’re married, that brings some changes to our lives, but it’s nothing like bringing a baby home.

We quickly awaken to the cost of being a father—both in terms of money and other life resources that we value. We’re always tired. We never have time to just relax, read a book, watch a show, or do other things we want to do. There are also big adjustments as we learn to parent with the baby’s mother, which brings about situations that cause tension and emotional costs as well.

And for many of us, the first cost on our minds are the monetary ones. Once the hospital bill is paid off, there are diapers, higher food bills, clothes, gadgets and trinkets, toys, more doctor bills, more and more diapers, and the list goes on.

Maybe the baby’s arrival means job arrangements will change for the baby’s mom and possibly for us, so it’s time to adjust the monthly budget or find another source of income. We might feel guilty for thinking of our precious baby in terms of dollars and cents or expenses vs. income, but it’s actually good that we’re getting serious about providing financially for our family. We should be encouraged, because that’s one of the many things effective fathers do.

Dad, these experiences are very common for new fathers. It might be new to you, but many, many dads have survived, adjusted, and learned to thrive in their new role. And with a firm commitment, lots of humility and a willingness to ask for help, the chances are very good that you will too.

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