by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.

I recently gathered with many of my children and grandchildren to celebrate a birthday: my 70th. It was a wonderful and sometimes wild time together. During the days before that celebration, I came up with a sheet of reflections that I handed out to everyone—10 short declarations about who I am, what I believe, and the values I try to live by.

What’s behind all this? As I “mature” as a dad and granddad, I’m more and more aware that my time is limited, and …

I want to do all I can to leave a strong legacy.

By now, I’m quite certain that my children and grandchildren (especially the older ones) know what I stand for, but these things are important to me and I want to take every opportunity to drive home the message.

What was the message? I included statements about the importance of faith, marriage, being a dad, taking risks, being generous, diligence, gratitude, friendship, and community. Each one was followed by a short Scripture verse that has been significant in my life. I ended with “Grandchildren are the best!” They are “a crown to the aged,” as it says in the Proverbs.

Several items on the list led to some deeper discussions. Grandkids asked questions that allowed me to tell a story or talk more about taking risks, giving generously, or having a strong marriage.

Now, I realize that many of you reading this can barely imagine being in my stage of life. But please hear me: you would be wise to start planning now for your later years—and I’m not just talking about a retirement fund. Today I can see clearly that my earlier years as a dad were where I made many of the most important contributions to this legacy that I’m leaving.

As dads, we need to be intentional about this.

We are leaving impressions through our words and actions, our habits and routines. We’re creating our legacy through holiday traditions, hobbies and interests that we share with our kids, foods we enjoy together, one-on-one “dates” and outings, even our consistent presence at their events and performances.

Spend some time reflecting on what’s most important in life and how you want to be remembered, then find meaningful ways to express those things. Write a letter or a “top 10” list like I did. Speak blessings over your children during milestone events. Present a thoughtful gift. Include Bible verses or other nuggets of wisdom.

Also, make sure those values have a prominent place in your day-to-day life and your family’s routine. Maybe you’ll feel conviction about changes that need to be made: adjusting work schedules, eating more meals as a family, adding one father-child activity each week, stopping a time commitment, getting rid of a cable or streaming subscription, setting aside time to help your kids with homework, turning off your home’s Wi-Fi during certain hours of the day, or something else.

You can make those decisions wisely when you have your most important values fixed firmly in mind—and it won’t take long for your children to see the bigger picture of what you’re doing and adapt accordingly.

Dad, don’t wait until your schedule (and your kids’ schedule) slows down. Do some reflecting about your key values and whether they are showing up enough in your family. Maybe imagine yourself at age 70, reflecting on your fathering journey. What will matter most to you then, and what can you do now to help build that legacy?

What changes have you made recently—or what changes to you need to make—that will help you build a better legacy? Leave a comment and learn from other dads at our Facebook page.

Action Points & Questions for Reflection and Discussion:

• In thirty, forty, or fifty years, when you look back on your family life, what will be most important to you?
• Take some time to write down 8-12 values, principles or truths that you stand for.
• Choose one item from your list. Think of a story from your life that illustrates that truth and tell that story to your kids sometime in the next few days.
• A sobering reminder: we all have limited time in this life, whether it’s tomorrow or years from now. Let’s make sure we’re investing in the most important things.
• Make one change that will help you be a better dad, whether it’s spending more time with your kids or doing something by yourself like reading or listening to things that will help you grow.