by Michelle Watson Canfield, PhD, LPC

Per·fume [pərˌfyo͞om] · a fragrant liquid typically made from essential oils extracted from flowers and spices, used to impart a pleasant smell to one’s body or clothes.

Day [dā/] · a period of twenty-four hours as a unit of time; a particular period of the past, an era.

There’s a special holiday tradition I shared with my dad for over 25 years—an adventure that we called “Perfume Day.” It was an annual father-daughter date in December when we’d spend most of the day together, eat a meal or do something else fun, and then we’d eventually end up at a department store where he’d let me choose a new perfume as my Christmas gift.

Some of you have probably heard about this since it’s in my first book and I interviewed my dad about it several years ago for an episode of my Dad Whisperer Podcast. But today I’m excited to share more about it with you so that you can invest in your daughter’s life in a powerful way with one aromatic experience!

It’s worth noting that my dad had absolutely no example or template for how to be a father. His dad wasn’t present for much of his life, and when he actually was home, he was often in a drunken stupor with unbridled anger. When my dad was a young adult, his father lived in a railroad boxcar, homeless and alone, suffering from the devastating effects of alcoholism.

Years later, when my dad was in his late 30s, he attended a conference where the men were given a challenge. In his own words my dad says, “We men were asked to think about ways we could be special to our kids, and since I had daughters, I thought that perfume might be a good thing.”

And with that, Perfume Day was born.

This year my challenge to you as dads is this: Why not adopt this tradition for yourself and start creating lasting memories with your daughter from a creative angle that involves a sensory and fragrant interaction between the two of you?

Let me share why this one act will go a long way to reaching her heart.

First, did you know that some experts say that our sense of smell is the strongest of our five senses? Not only that, but olfactory nerves activate the primitive part of our brain that stays in our long-term memory and corresponds to motivation and emotion. This intricate wiring in our noses means that a certain scent can activate a powerful memory because it often outlasts other memories that are carried by our other four senses.

Dad Translation: By creating an experience with your daughter now that revolves around choosing her favorite perfume, you are giving her a sensory memory that will last a lifetime. The perfume itself will provide a tangible reminder of your love for her because of the way that actual scent will be attached to her memory networks for the rest of her life. From this day forward, every time she smells that scent, it will remind her of you.

Talk about a deposit with dividends that exceed the investment!

Second, this idea of perfume being a memory that can last a lifetime is rooted in history, going back a lot farther than my dad (who did this at Christmas with me for 25 years!).

Dad, if you’ve never done it before, I encourage you to take the step this year to make Perfume Day a new December tradition with your daughter.

(If you’re like some of the men I’ve spoken to who say that their daughter “isn’t into perfume,” perhaps you can create a different kind of forever memory by setting a regular date to make a plate or bowl at a make-your-own-pottery store, shop for a new book or two, buy a stuffed animal, or something similar that she enjoys. I realize that her sense of smell won’t necessarily be activated, but it’s still a great alternative as she’ll have that piece for the rest of her life as a tangible reminder of you.)

Action Points & Questions for Reflection and Discussion:

• Was your father not much of a role model for you? Take a bold step and start some positive patterns and regular habits with your kids.
• Think about ways you could be special to your kids. What would they appreciate from you, even if it means you’d need to stretch a bit?
• Is your daughter not into perfume, but you don’t know what else to do with her? Ask her mom or someone else who knows her well. Ideally, it can be something you can do together for many years to come.
• Do you have a son? Tap into his interests and set up a tradition that involves a fun outing together and a memento that he can take home and keep.
• As you go through the Christmas season, don’t “coast” through the typical activities. Find ways to make lasting memories with your kids.

Read more from Michelle at fathers.com here.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield is a licensed professional counselor, founder of The Abba Project, a 9-month group forum for dads of daughters (ages 13 to 30), and author of Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters and Dad, Here’s What I Really Need from You: A Guide for Connecting with Your Daughter’s Heart (both available on Amazon and Audible). She also hosts a weekly radio program called “The Dad Whisperer,” which you can access as a podcast on her website and on iTunes, Spotify, and Google Play Music. Visit drmichellewatson.com for more information and to sign up for her weekly Dad-Daughter Friday blogs. You can also follow or send feedback on Facebook and Twitter.