teve had an important lunch appointment. He had traveled several hundred miles, and he was more than a little nervous. But this meeting wasn’t to cut some business deal. It was to start a new relationship. His luncheon partner was his daughter.
Michelle had left home for college two years earlier. She came home for Christmas, spring break, and summer vacation, but Steve never really felt like he got to talk with her.
Michelle was nervous too. Her friends kidded her about being in the “major of the month” club as she struggled to find her way in determining what to focus on in her college experience. She couldn’t seem to find the right educational track. Each change of plans tacked one more semester on the end of her college career—and college costs money.
After his children had left home, Steve finally awakened as a father. He wanted to be proactive, and this lunch date with Michelle was his first step. So there, in the restaurant, Steve spoke these words: “Michelle, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, and I want you to know that even though you’ve had a tough time finding your niche the past two years, your mother and I are 100 percent behind you.”
“Thanks, Dad.” She stared out the window. Finally, Steve said it: “Michelle, I want you to know that I love you.” Then Steve had an immediate opportunity to put action behind his words—and listen to his daughter. During that lunch date, he found out from Michelle just how controlling he had been. His strictness had made his daughter’s heart cold toward him.
That’s the kind of thing that happens during this stage of fathering—what I call “reflection.” Steve had a clear impression that he hadn’t provided everything his daughter needed, and he moved to make things right—even though it meant hearing some pretty harsh criticism of himself as a father.
After the meeting, Michelle began to find healing. She now had the freedom to confront her emotions and many other issues that had been plaguing her life.
What Steve did wasn’t easy. By holding back and not getting defensive when Michelle talked about his shortcomings, he opened up a whole new relationship with his daughter.
Dad, that’s our privilege and opportunity to be a “difference maker” in our daughters’ lives.
