I did not ask to be or not to be
a man lies with a woman.
Unfathered before I was born
like a slave who does not own a father's name.
A Testimony to Heroic Fatherhood
Recently, I was scheduled to update the Jackson County Legislature regarding our fathering program through the county prosecutor's office. In the program, first-time offenders can defer prosecution by attending life-skills classes, and I teach the one on fathering. The legislature was evaluating the program, and wanted my brief presentation to include a few words from one of the program's participants.
James: A Glimpse at Inner-City Fathers
DEAR DAD:
You make me so #*@$! sick. Some nights I be wanting to kill you with my bear hands. The evil things you done to me makes me want to kill you even more. I blame you for the #*@$! up thoughts I have. Sure enough my life is better then what you said it was going to be. The way you treated me makes me sick. I should've been worser, but I have a stronger mind than what you thought. All you done was made your son more stronger and wittier. Love from your son, you #*@$!.
Boys to Men
The role of the father or father figure is critically important to the task of taking our African American boys from boyhood into manhood. The vacuum of this required fathering role has had a devastating impact on our urban communities and it is time that we fill this role.
Mothers at the Gate
The Gate Keeper
"I'm tired of the way you treat me-like a criminal!" he shouted into the receiver, "you're tired?" I shouted back. "I'm tired of your bull…you expect me to trust you?" "It ain't a question of you trustin me—why should I trust you?!" he angrily replied. That did it! He wasn't getting it, he wasn't going to get it- "forget it!
Sacrificing for the Dream
There are many perspectives on the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Perspectives about which we continue to explore, write and speak. Pastor of the people, Philosopher of non-violence, Ph.D. in theology, Peacemaker of Nobel Prize quality, Protester of racial injustice, Councilor to Presidents and a Promoter of economic equality; responsibilities he shared not only for people of color, but for people of all color.
The Village Warriors Return
The African proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child" reflects the truth that many lives shape and mold the life of a child. But no stronger impact is made on any child greater or more permanent than the impact of that child's father and mother, regardless of whether that influence is good or bad or whether that parent is present or absent in the home.
Quenching the Father Thirst
When in your life have you been the most thirsty? I think of playing full-court five-on-five basketball in 103-degree heat. The sun radiates off the concrete, and I feel it through the soles of my shoes. The competition is scorching, and during the next fast break, I run my tongue across my lips for a trace of moisture, but there's nothing there. My whole mouth feels dry and rough. I stop and scream, "Time Out!" and make a bee-line to my water bottle. At that moment, nothing matters more than quenching my thirst.
A Challenge to Urban Churches
The church has been a dynamic support to the African American community, but I believe it can do better. With churches on seemingly every corner in some communities, they have been successful at delivering services and support to African American women and children. But they have fallen short-far short-in reaching out to and engaging African American men. And without these men, they are missing a key contributor to the overall health of the African American family and community.
Categories
Welcome to the fathers.com fathering library.
On the left you will see how our blogs and articles are categorized. Choose your stage in the fathering journey under Your Kids, click on a specific situation that applies to you, or browse through the items in our hot topics and fathering fundamentals. Also, check out Tools for the Journey – short downloadable pieces with tips for specific challenges.
Fathering is a Marathon: Embrace the Journey
by Ken Canfield, Ph.D. Dad, while you’re in the middle of dashing around as a busy dad, I want to provide some perspective and an important reminder: Fathering is a marathon. Being a good dad is a distance run. It’s a long, trying journey and we must be disciplined if...
Beyond Conditional Love: Rethinking Expectations
When it comes to your kids, dad, What do you expect? We’ve often heard comments like these from grown sons and daughters: “My brother was an all-state quarterback, but I played tennis, and I never quite measured up for my dad.” “I made a B average in school, but Daddy...
Valentine’s Day Tips for Dads of Daughters – and Sons
Your Valentine’s Day shopping and planning for your wife is surely well under way, if not complete—and that’s good! Some may view this "holiday" as just another excuse for greeting card and flower companies to make money—as well as jewelry, candy and clothing...
Entering Your Child’s World: 5 Areas for Dads to Stay Connected
Dad, are you really plugged into what’s going on in your children’s lives? Do you have a good handle on what happens in their typical day, who is influencing them, and how they are processing the things they see and hear? In today’s world these can be unsettling...
Self-Disciplined Kids & the Power of Saying “No”
by Dr. Ken Canfield Dad, are you instilling in your children a strong “internal locus of control”? You’re probably thinking, What does that mean? And I get it. It’s a term that I’ve come across as a researcher from time to time through the years. Some years ago, one...
Everyday Heroes: Dads Have Superpowers!
by Donald Calkins That’s right, dad. Your children believe the world revolves around you; they see you as holding the universe in your hands. While that may be exaggerated, the truth is that most dads have extraordinary influence over their children. I remember going...
Make Every Day Count: A New Year of Fathering
Dad, what will it take to make this year the best ever for you and your kids? The media has a New Year tradition of remembering well-known people who died during the past year. A few years back, one of those people was a man who really seemed to “get it” as a father,...
16 Ideas for Father-Child Holiday Traditions
by Michelle Watson Canfield, PhD, LPC One December back in the late 60s, a father-daughter tradition began. One afternoon, my father drove my younger sister and me—seven and five at the time—two hours away in our turquoise station wagon to cut down our family...
Single Dads: Will it Really be OK this Holiday Season?
by Matt Haviland If the holiday season ushers in an assortment of emotions to most people, that’s even more true for single dads this time of year. Joy, laughter, and anticipation may be at the forefront. What about dread, anxiety, or doubt? “Yes” to all of the above,...
Ways to Give Meaningful Gifts to Your Kids
How do you decide what gifts to give your children this time of year? Maybe your family has settled into an annual routine that seems to work pretty well. Maybe the kids create lists to help you know what they want. Maybe most of the gifts have already been bought...
From Duty to Delight: Transforming Your Fatherhood
What’s the secret ingredient of good fathering? And maybe more importantly for many dads: What can you do if you never saw that kind of father as you grew up? Jeff is a committed dad who has a great perspective on fathering. He’s passionate about being the dad his two...
Time: Are You Spending or Investing?
by Ron Nichols There’s a common expression that we use all the time. It’s pretty harmless in itself, but as fathers we need to think differently with it. It’s the simple concept of spending time. We always say, “I spent a lot of time on that project,” or, “I spent 20...